Service this

I love the Amazing Race, it's so much fun to watch and you always find yourself cheering for or against a team. I keep meaning to send in audition tape for the "next" season. Check it out, CBS on Tuesdays.

On to the venting

Do you ever yell or fuss at your waiter for something that they had no control over? Like your food comes out from the kitchen and it is exactly what you ordered 20 minutes ago but you forgot how you ordered it. So, you chew the waiter a new pooping orifice that is wide enough to slide my mother-in-law through for not taking your order down correctly. He/she takes your East Snobb attitude and politely nods and scurries away to fix it. You feel all powerful, you control all.

Meanwhile, you pay the check and tip 5% (just to get your point across) and leave. During your commute home, you realize that maybe you DID order the Flamin' Sizzlin' Chicken fajitas with an extra side of guacamole instead of getting the picante sauce that comes standard. Then you feel like a dick.

I got chewed out today by a man that probably served in Desert shield, Desert Storm, Korea, Viet Nam, and WWII. This is the most grizzled SOB I have ever met. He came in with his piece of technology and claims that "my" system is crap and that we don't know what the hell we're doing. I took his piece of equipment, reconfigured one setting (THAT HE CHANGED) and BOOM, ALL EFFIN' FIXED!!! I explained how this happened and he, not one to accept responsibility, blamed me and my company or as he put it, "this fucking example of what is wrong with America" for his inability to understand basic technology.

He turned around and with everyone staring at him, walks out of the store. My manager, who witnessed the entire exchange, said to the man, as he walked out the door, "Thank you for choosing _________." in the most sarcastic tone I have EVER heard. Then I was pulled into the manager's office to be told what a great job I did with that client. PUH-LEASE.............

Can someone please hire me as an Event Planner, Meeting Planner, or Event Producer, before I go on a killing spree through suburban strip malls of Snobb County. (Note to any law enforcement peeps, I do not plan on exerting any form of violence on anyone who lives in Snobb County.)

Time for a beer...........or ten

fo shizzle

www.asksnoop.com

Enter in a URL and this site will reformat any site into Snoop's language. Mildly funny for the few sites I entered.

Weekend Accomplished

I accomplished everything that was my weekend to-do list including:
Attend UGA Basketball Game - Loss
Attend UGA Football Game - Win
Attend Falcons Football Game - Win
Drink a lot of whiskey and/or beer - Win Win Win
Enjoy time with friends - Win but bitter

The UGA Basketball game was so frustrating to watch. These guys are bad and when I use the word "bad", think of watching a perpetual train wreck that keeps happening over and over again right in front of your eyes. It is still a ton of fun to go to a game, but Jesus couldn't help these guys win a game.

Saturday morning came early. It is a tradition among a few of us to enjoy "Tech Breakfast". This year, those in attendance were Brett (his house and all), Tim, Leigh, and Eva Smith, Trey Nihoul and Bryan Roland (Candy Byrd's Husband). The whole breakfast thing is just an excuse to start drinking screw drivers and mimosas at 6:30 in the morning.

The Georgia football game was great except for the weather and Tech making a game of what should have been a stomping. Why is it when Tech loses to Georgia, it is never their fault? They always insinuate that UGA cheated or it wasn't fair, blah, blah, blah. Get over it, bottom line, you lost because you scored less points than UGA. Reggie Ball said in the locker room that the scoreboard was wrong and that is why he lost track of the downs. The press is reporting that as a fact. Well, can someone prove it? and why are we taking the word of whiner as a fact. Reggie, you're lookin' good........you're lookin Jacket!!! All of you, North Avenue fans can be so proud of losing with class yet again.

I was a bad fan. I was one of 40,000 that left the game early due to the weather. I did enjoy the evening of cocktails, friends, and fellowship at casa de Bawcum.

A few posts ago, I wondered aloud about what I had missed of our friends' lives since I left Athens a year ago. The most obvious evidence of how much things change was through Eva. I know babies don't stay that way, but it amazed me how much she has grown and developed in just a year. When the Smith's left Brett's house Saturday night it cut like a knife. I can't believe what I have missed.

Sunday was the Falcons game. I was an invited guest of the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. The ASO was going to "perform" the national anthem. "Perform" means they didn't play a note. If you were not aware, most live performances at sporting events are not live. This includes superbowl halftime shows, and the national anthem. It is normally all lip synched. It is quite funny that there is still an effort to make it look live. The ASO took the field and the A/V crew placed two mics at the front of the ensemble, just for appearances, to make you think that it was live.

The rumors that Robert Spano is a very nice, down-to-Earth guy must be true. Everything I witnessed on Sunday seemed to back this up. He was not an elitist and enjoyed being among the "common folk" and he even wore a Vick jersey while conducting the anthem. It was reassuring to know, that in even in the seemingly most pompous field of a professional orchestra, there is a conductor that doesn't harbor the otherwise standard ego. Although when he handed his baton to his assistant to her to carry, I about fell down laughing.

The kids who sang on Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" have filed suit to get their royalty money. You can read the full article here, http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/26/pinkfloyd.wall.reut/index.html
Jesus!!! You were a part of music history, grow up!!!

Leftovers, Megasales, Sports

Thanksgiving was fine, family, food, etc, etc, etc................

I did meet Whitney, Brandon's girlfriend, last night. Nice, cute, has a brain. Pic coming as soon as I get it off the camera.

Being that I am a part of the retail force, I was required to work on the day after Thanksgiving. Not that I mind working the day after Thanksgiving, but working in RETAIL the day after Thanksgiving is kind of a daunting thought. I've seen how people act in stores during these mega sales, and I want no part of it.

I arrived at work a little before 7:00 AM expecting to see a line of people formed at the door. Nada, zilch, zero, nobody. Woo-hoo!!! It is currently 8:00 AM and we have yet to see a single customer. So I am currently being paid my hourly wage to sit here.

I get off at 3:00 at which point, I have a jam packed sports weekend ahead. Tonight I will watch the UGA men's team probably get their collective asses handed to them by Nevada. and before you say, "Nevada?!?!? Georgia is so bad they are going to lose to Nevada?" Keep in mind that Nevada made it to the Sweet 16 last year and lost to the eventual runner-up Ga Tech. Saturday I will watch the football team romp Ga Tech and on Sunday I will be a guest of the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra at the Atlanta Falcons game against the Saints.

Happy weekend

Stuff This

Happy Turkey to all, may your TV not stray from football and your belly be stuffed with good eats.

I am meeting Brandon's girlfriend for the first time today. Brandon and Scott are my two brothers, 23 and 19 respectively. This is Brandon's first serious girlfriend in a while. They have known each other for 3 months and he is rather smitten. Her name is Whitney, which causes a few laughs for us because my parent's dog is also named Whitney. (Is this really my life or a bad 80's sitcom?)

Bad holiday photos to come.


2 days until the last UGA home game of the season.

As seen on the AJC.com's vent, "USC is where good coaches go to die." Ouch

As a reminder, this was not a fumble.

Ordained

Here's something I've been hiding for a while.

By the powers vested in me by the Universal Life Church I am a fully ordained minister.

For those who think I'm kidding, guess again.

I am pretty much against the idea of organized religion, more accurately, the State of organized religion Mainly to the time I spent working in and for the church. But I figured if I couldn't beat the church I would become it and tear it apart from the inside. Just kidding God, ha ha ha...........

Need someone to officiate your wedding? Give me a call.
Need me to be solemn and run your funeral? I can baptize your kids AND bless your house. But, I can not, repeat CAN NOT circumcise your kids. Just helping you plan ahead.

Infomercial and Vices

Three weeks after the surgery, I find myself a non-smoker, a non-biter of fingernails, and 15 lbs lighter. Was my appendix holding me back this entire time? Seriously, this could be the next big infomercial.

Obnoxious British Guy(OBG): "You want to lose weight?!?!?!"
Dumb Ass Audience (DAA): "YEAH!!!"

OBG:"Do you want to stop smoking?!?!?!?"
(DAA): "YEAH!!!"

OBG: "Do you want to stop biting your fingernails?!?!?"
(DAA): "YEAH!!!"

OBG: "Powered by the air you breath; OxyAppendix can rid you of that useless piece of your large intestine that's been holding you back from making life changing decisions!!!"

Ok, maybe not...................but I'm still looking for investors none the less.


I believe that you can't quit one vice without picking up another, so out went smoking and in came coffee; and with a vengeance. I have one cup in the morning on the way to work, and another after I get to work and then one after lunch. I even bought a special insulated mug to transport it in. My coffee goes everywhere I go. It took the place of carrying a lighter and cigarettes.

I didn't realize I had a problem until tonight, when I became anxious about tomorrow morning's cup. I have a basic coffee machine with a timer, so every night I get to be all anal and prepare the next morning's pot of java. I haven't gotten to the snob phase of being a coffee addict, I'm just on Maxwell House. But I need to be careful, we all know that Maxwell House can lead to Columbian and Columbian leads to Brazilian and Brazilian leads directly to rehab.

UGA/Tech week.................
Here area few highlights from AJC.com's sports vent.

We didn't win the SEC championship, but we won't be going to Boise either.

Is it true that Tech is switching to arena football?

To the Tech players: Don't gawk too much or be alarmed. It's just what a full stadium looks like.

MARTA doesn't go to Athens. How are Tech fans going to get to the game?

How'd that "ACC-is-the-best-conference" thing work out for you guys?

Which Tech team will show up in Athens? The one that lost to UNC or the one that lost to Miami?

Photo taken in Bobby Dodd Stadium during a Tech home game. See how the fans get into the game.

Surprise!!!

If you know me and my family, you know that there is a member that (clearing my throat here), suprises the entire family every now and then.


Well, he has done it again, and I can't tell anyone about it for two weeks. It's not illegal, immoral, or that will cause anyone any harm, but tops what he has done in the past. I think it's a good thing but I don't know the full story yet. I'll tell you December 5th, but in the mean time, just bear with me and my family if we are a little off. Stay tuned, this is going to be good.

Welcome Dr. Richardson

I saw my surgeon today for what will hopefully be my last visit regarding my appendectomy. Dr. Richardson said everything looked great. Woo-Hoo!!! The gauze stuffing will continue through the weekend and then that's probably it, the wound will finish up and I'll be totally healed up by Christmas. Woo-Hoo!!!

I would like to take this time to welcome Dr. Richardson to the site. (Doc, you are going to want to start with the posts in November.) If you ever need your appendix out or if you are female and looking for a breast doctor, go see Dr. Heather Richardson. Thanks for everything Doc, you are the best!!!

All week this site will be dedicated to railing on anyone who is associated with the North Avenue Trade School. To get the perspective on today's Tech bashing first read this, Seven notes on a Trumpet. Then the Tech alternative, Feelin' Jacket.

Stop, Pull over, I gotta take a Gator

I hate The University of Florida.

I hate their, fans, students, professors, graduates, mascot, band, cheerleaders, and their colors. There is nothing good about anyone associated with the University of Florida. I’m sure that there are some UFians that are productive members of society that make significant contributions to our quality of life. I just haven’t met them.

Until I do, I will continue to believe that they all kill puppies, don’t flush the office toilet, hit old people, and refuse to use their turn signals.

With that said, the UF football team did something good for UGA last night. They beat FSU………at FSU. It hadn't been done since 1986 and something that the “mighty” Spurrier never accomplished. The embattled Ron Zook overcame the Vegas odds makers, fireronzook.com, the media and Bobby Bowden. At the end of the game the lame duck coach was douched with ice water and carried off the field by his players.
It was an enchanting moment.

Ahhhhhhhh………….

Who am I kidding?!?! Gator eat ass.

Reunion Weiner

I had more fun at my mini-reunion than I could have expected.

To sum up, the high school people are the first ones listed below
Melissa and John - Married, one beautiful baby girl, one cat, one dog
Rebecca and Josh - Married, one beautiful baby coming in late May
Karlyn and Caleb - recently engaged and will marry in April


We all skipped the real reunion and opted for this instead. We each brought a dish and my salad kicked ass, unfortunately I made a lot of salad and will be eating it for the next few days.

The reality of life hit me repeatedly throughout the night. It felt like a ton of bricks slamming itself on my chest. SLAM, holding Melissa's baby, SLAM watching Karlyn cuddle with her fiance, SLAM watching Reba around the kitchen like Martha Stewart knowing that in a few months she and Josh will having an addition to their family. SLAM, SLAM, SLAM. Time never stops, stupid to write, but way too true. I have missed a lot of Melissa, Karlyn, and Reba's lives in the past ten years. Which makes me wonder what I've missed of Brett, Trey, and the Smith's lives in the year I've been gone from Athens. I wonder what I've missed from others that have moved away and I only talk to a few times a year.

Sorry to be a whiney bitch, but it really sucks that our friendships with people come with an invisible expiration date on it............or so it seems. I know the old adage of "you get out, what you put into it". If that is so true, then life sucks. Let's break down our lives to a very simple level.

The only thing that makes life worth living is the other people in your life that you love. But in order to survive life, we have to take a job that takes up anywhere from 40-80 hours a week that we will average to 60 hours a week. Which cuts down your time to spend with friends down to 108 hours a week. Throw in 8 hours of sleep a night and the you are left with 52 hours a week. Then we all have our, grocery shopping, house maintenance, relationship building with the better half, and TV shows that we CAN'T miss and what do you end up with?
A few hours a week that you try to coordinate with as many friends to enjoy the time together as efficiently as possible. For me and mine that normally includes alcohol which leads to killing braincells so you can't remember the time you spent with these people the next day. Are we stupid or what?

This is all coming from the fact that I had a great time tonight and I feel very stupid for not keeping up with these wonderful friends and why the hell we waited so long to do this. We all need to acknowledge the fact that the wonderful people in our lives won't always be there, so we can start appreciating them more now.

End of soap box.

I missed the Feable Weiner Show by about 15 minutes. They only played an hour. I did get a chance to talk with Atom (guitar) who I met when Funkle Ester played with them in Athens. Incredibly nice guy, he felt awful that we made the trip out and promised to put us on the guest list the next time they came through Atlanta. If you were hoping to catch them tomorrow night in Athens, it's not going to happen, Tasty World fell through this time around. They are trying to swing back through Georgia in January so keep your eyes out for them.


Nothing exciting on tap for the weekend, I am going to clean up a little bit, watch football, and write out the Christmas budget. I rented Elf and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I watched Elf tonight, it was cute, it left a nice warm fuzzy feeling.

Until.............................

I just watched Sports Center's coverage of the fight that broke out at the Pacers/Pistons game. It is easily the saddest thing I have ever witnessed at a sporting event. Tonight's incident is going to change the face of crowd management at all NBA games for the rest of the year and it will not surprise me at all if this changes the way basketball venues are designed. (Please notice I wrote "crowd management" and not "crowd control". You can't control a crowd, it's impossible, but you can "manage" a crowd. That is Crowd Management 101 for any of you trying to learn anything from this site.)

This next part is not to defend the players because they had their part in tonight's brawl, but let's be honest, the majority of what happened tonight was the fault of the fans. What kind of society are we living in? How much time will it be until athletes demand to be protected from the fans. Venues are going to have to install giant plexiglass bubbles over basketball floors, football fields and hockey arenas to protect the athletes from the fans. It is only going to take one deranged idiot to change the face of sporting events. Think I'm crazy? Just stay tuned, it's bound to happen.

10 year reunion

This is going to be pretty scattered, so hang on.

My favorite aunt and uncle are in town for a few days. Gale and Mike took my parents and I out to dinner at Houck's. Good times, but the restaurant is pretty weak.

In GREAT news, I took my last round of antibiotics today. That means I'm jumping back on the wagon in three days. Woo-hoo. (more than likely 2 days)

Tomorrow night I will be venturing to Alpharetta to reminisce about the joys of Wheeler High School. My real 10 year reunion was a few weeks ago but I opted (wisely) to go to the UGA/Arkansas game instead.

There is a group of three women that 10 years ago I considered dear friends. Since high school, as most people do, we all went our separate ways. That isn't true at all, I went my separate way while they kept in touch, 2 of them living together through college and post-college until one of them recently married. We have used email throughout the years to communicate and share our news both good and bad with each other. We have all gone to each others weddings except for Karlyn who recently got engaged. And I'm sure we will all make it to her wedding too.

So, Rebecca is hosting and she and her husband live in Alpharetta and it is a pot-luck dinner. I am bringing the salad which I am very excited about, because I can cut the hell out of veggies. I make a great salad.

And for the grand finale, I am going to see Feable Weiner. Woo-Hoo!!! Go see them!!! Support musicians trying to make a living!!!

My mind shoots blanks

Liberace was gay?!?!?!?

Nope that's not it. Pizza!!! Pizza soooo good that I forgot to write about it earlier.

There was this place in downtown Athens called Peppino's. Peppino's still exists, albeit on the far east side of Athens and it is owned by different people than the ones that owned the downtown location. "Big Joe" (as he was called) owned the location that was downtown and he was, as his name implies, very big, very Sicilian, and very New Yorkian. Thus his pizza kicked serious ass. But he retired and sold the company name to some idiots on the east side of Athens that don't know shit about pizza.

Long story short (Too late!!!)

I had not found a pizza place that could hold a light to Peppino's, until today. The place is called
Capozzi's New York Pizza & Pasta. I walked in and was immediately given shit for not being ready to order. AWESOME!!! After I adjusted my balls, I walked determined to the counter and proudly enunciated my order without stammering or stuttering. I was praised by the New York man taking my order for being as prepared as possible and that I was to sit my ass down and he would bring me my food when it was good and ready.

7-8 minutes later he slings two pieces of pie in front of me. The two toppings I ordered covered the pizza so well I couldn't see any cheese, sauce or bread. It was delicious, divine, and decadent.

I'm going back tomorrow to try the calzone.

Forgetful

Being that my life is not very exciting, when I get a blog topic, I can't wait to get home and write about it. I was so excited at 2:00 this afternoon when inspiration hit and now that I'm home, I can't remember the thought. I'm holding a limp keyboard.

Eye Strain

I spent all day staring at a computer screen doing mindless "classes" that are teaching me everything from the technology that I will not need to do my job (according to my co-workers) to how to say "hello" to a customer.

Has anyone looked at my resume? Did anyone notice the years of experience? Evidently I don't know how to interact with people and must be trained to be the corporate clone that I am eventually going to become. Below are the approved phrases to use when a customer enters the store. Please note that "the man" has given me the freedom to choose between two greeting, "hi" and "hello". Whew...........for a second I was going to say, "Hola". Thank God they covered greetings in the training.

"Hi/hello, welcome to ________, please sign in and someone will be right with you."
"Hi/hello, welcome to ________, I will right with you."

Someone shoot me.


As a reminder, Feable Weiner is playing, this Friday at Swayze's in Marietta. (I've never been to this bar/club, so if you go don't blame me if it's a dive, just shut your hole and enjoy the kick ass music).

Back among the living

Today was the first day at my "new" job. It is a part-job to help bring money into our account and keep me out of trouble. I am continuing to look for employment that will satisfy me both, mentally, spiritually, and financially and also make a difference in someone else's life.

Ok..................the last part is BS.

Through the course of this blog I will not naming the company I am working for. I do not care to be sued for sander and/or libel......................something I plan on doing extensively on this site.

Day one consisted of me doing nothing and by nothing I mean absolutely nothing. No tax paperwork, no punching in or punching out, no photocopying of my drivers license and Social Security card, and no training. By the way, have I mentioned that I already got a paycheck from these people? It came in the mail last Friday. Real top notch company here.

Being that I am paranoid about "the man" and his ability to keep me down and/or fire my ass; I went into work with the paycheck in hand and promptly brought it to their attention. Their response was, "Don't worry about it, we'll figure it out later, go ahead and cash it, we thought something like this might happen." Uhmmmmmm...................oooooook..................

After that five minutes had come and gone, they informed me that IT had not yet setup my account, thus I could not log into any computer and start my training. So from 10:05 AM until 5:00 PM I watched customers come and go and ease dropped on my co-workers conversations with them.

All of my co-workers seem to have brains. Each of them were polite, nice, well-groomed, and non-smelling. I hope this is normal for them and not something they did just for my first day.

I am on day 13 on being a non-smoker, and I still haven't killed anybody or anything. (I did have two on Saturday night, but to my defense I was at a bar and my hands normally do two thing at a bar, drink and smoke. But because of the antibiotics, I can't drink, thus the two cigarettes, so leave me alone.) I like the fact that I'm not smoking but I don't like the stigma of being a labeled a "quitter", after all, Methadone is for quitters. Instead of saying that I "quit smoking", I'm going to say that I "started non-smoking". Think anyone will buy it?
Didn't think so.

Commercials

There should be a law prohibiting the same commercial from being run more than once during the same commercial break.

Tigers, War Eagles, and Plainsmen, oh my!!!

The game sucked, we got whooped and still no alcohol for me to drown my sorrows in.

The night ended up being very good.

Modern Skirts lived up to the hype. The disc is great. It is an EP that lists 5 tracks, there are really only 4. Sorry, Jojo, but there are only four real tracks and you know it.

Dave, Brett and I recorded on two of the tracks and they came out pretty well. Dave and I played with the Skirts Saturday night to a kickass crowd at Tasty World. They moved a lot of discs and the after party was a ton of fun.

Sad news, there is a drummer in a band called the Splitz. He has three kids and a wife. His house burned down last week and he and his family have nothing. Literally.......Nothing. They did not have any insurance. His performance kit was lucky stashed in his car at the time of the fire. They have found a new place to live but have nothing for their house. If you have anything to give the family; furniture, clothes, etc, etc, etc please call Troy at Nomad Artists at 706.354.6107 .

The new job starts tomorrow, think non-negative thoughts.

Bar-B-Que plus Modern Skirts

The disco project known as Funkle Ester is doing well, we just signed with USAEntertainment for their New Years Eve Party. Check out http://www.nationalmillenium.com/. The shameless plug ends here.

Dinner with the Alfords was good. Good food and good friends.
It is still hard to believe that they procreated.

I went home and watched movies. Old School and Man on Fire. The first of which I laughed at out loud. Man on Fire was surprisingly very good. I'm not a fan of Denzel Washington, but this movie, albeit long at 2.5 hours, was worth every penny of the $4.50 at Blockbuster. And a really good soundtrack and score to boot.

Tomorrow it is off again to Athens. Yes, I know the game is in Auburn, but yet again I find myself making the trip to Athens to watch the game. Speaking of Auburn, I was there for the four overtime game years ago. It was the "Donnan of a new era". Let's remember how that worked out. The current line is anywhere between 3.5 and 5 depending on where you look. My pic, don't take a line bigger than 3.5 and take the dawgs.

I am picking up Dave and Serena after lunch and going to our bass players house to watch the game. Then we will head downtown for the Modern Skirts CD Release party. The Modern Skirts is a fantastic four piece, www.modernskirts.com. Dave, Brett and I lended our instrumental talents to two tracks on the new album. I have not heard the completed work yet, but it got a favorable review in Flagpole "rag"azine, http://fairmountfair.com/flagpole/weekly/articles.php?fp=4725 and Amos said it didn't suck, so here's to that.

Dave and I are playing with the guys live tomorrow night at Tasty World around 11ish. (Brett is making the trip to Auburn) If you happen to be in Northeast Georgia please come, you won't be disappointed.

I'm still leaking out my side and will continue to leak for at least another week, but the doc gave me something called "Nu-Gauze" that is supossed to be easier and more importantly less painful to change. Here's hoping.

See you at Tasty World.

Multiple Post and Feable Weiner

I started blogging to improve my very poor writing skills. Thus I force myself to post at least once a day, but hopefully more like two or three times as I come up with topics. So, if you actually read this on a quasi-daily basis, take the time to scroll down and make sure you didn't miss anything. You will either become a well informed member of society or driven to suicide.
I leave the choice to you

Feable Weiner is one of my favorite bands to see live and they are coming to Atlanta next Friday, the 19th. Truth be told their CD is good but nothing spectacular, their video for "San Deem Us Ready" is hysterical because they know how to make fun of themselves. We played with them on their last tour and they couldn't be a nicer quartet. Nice guys and a hell of a live show. Very entertaining.

They are at a place called Swayze's in Marietta on the 19th and according to their website, playing TBD on Saturday the 20th. GO SEE THEM.
BUY THEIR STUFF.
SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC OTHER THAN CRAPPY OVERPRICED ARENA SHOWS.
GO SUPPORT PEOPLE THAT MAKE MUSIC AS A WAY TO PAY THEIR BILLS.

End of soapbox

Breaking out

In 18 minutes I am getting out of the house.

I have not left the house for any destination other than the hospital in almost two weeks.

Carlton is picking me up so we can meet the wives for some dead pig.............hmmmmmmm.........dead pig........................

We are going to some suburban bar-b-que place called "The Rib Ranch". You too can visit the Rib Ranch at www.theribranch.com.

Sweden plus Mexico =

Two words that don't go together.

"Johan" is the Swedish version of John meaning, "Gift of life"
"Santata" is a Mexican guitar player that has won 11 Grammys

But put the two together and you get this year's unanimous pick for the American League Cy Young award.

My body sucks

I feel like a human tampon.

I have a piece of bloody gauze hanging out of my side.

When the Doc put it in, she said it would be no problem to take out and that I needed to repeat the process everyday for a week.

Catch......................I can't take it out. I tried or about an hour to pull it out. In the day that it was in there, this piece of gauze set up camp and started a family. It doesn't want to come out. I tried pulling this way, pulling that way, pulling it dry, pulling it wet. I can't get it out.

So tomorrow I go back to the Doc so she can pull it out and probably stuff a new one in.

Modern Medicine

I have an infection where my appendix used to be. I have been taking two antibiotics to prevent this from happening, but evidently I have a superhuman resistance to antibiotics.


In order to get rid of this infection, the doctor had to remove the stitches and clean the area where my appendix used to be. If your doctor tries to do this to you, ask for some type of pain pill, anesthesia, or someone to knock you out before she starts flushing and scrubbing. 10 minutes later, she is done flushing and scrubbing and is trying to loosen my grip on the bed in which I have embedded my fingernails into.


After all of this, I get another week of antibiotics, (yup, same type of drugs on which I can't touch alcohol) and as an added bonus she has left a piece of gauze in my belly. IN MY BELLY

In order to prevent any further infection, I am to change this gauze that is IN MY BELLY once a day for the next week. Might I also mention that a 4"x4" piece of gauze in a belly is very painful. So I asked the doctor if there is anything she can give me so I can successfully drive back to Marietta from Midtown without killing anyone on the road due to the pain caused by the piece of gauze she stuffed IN MY BELLY.


No problem, she says, she is going to give me a localized injection that will numb the area for
about an hour. GREAT!!! But it is going to take a few injections in and around the area. Fine, whatever, just do something to get rid of the fire that you placed in my belly. Don't read this as a frowning on Dr. Richardson's bedside manner, she is a great Doctor!!! It is just a sad state of modern medicine that we are still stuffing wounds with cotton to get them to heal correctly.


In other news, I'm running out of things to do, if you have a website or two that will keep me busy, please forward the URL. Thanks

Smoking

I like to smoke, but I have wanted to quit for a while but didn't have "something" to kick start my ass into gear.

Surgery, painkillers, and not wanting to move will certainly jump start someone's quitting.

I haven't had a cigarette in a week. And the strange thing is, I haven't wanted one.

I'm hoping to keep this up. I know it's all mental at this point.

There was this game when I was on the drumline that I think we should play everyday. In fact this game is never supposed to end. The game begins when a person pulls out an unlit cigarette and puts it between their lips. It is your job to knock the cigarette out of their lips before they can light it. They game is over once the cigarette is lit.

2 rules;
1)If the cigarette, once dislocated,becomes un-smokable, then the person who knocked it out of the smoker's mouth must replace the cigarette at their own expense.

2) There is only one way to quit playing the game; quit smoking.

It was fun to play in college, I wonder if it would be fun now.


The unexpected visit from the appendix fairy delayed the start of my new job. Yes, the part-time job that I'm oh so excited about. The new start date is next Monday. Let the countdown begin.

I have pooped

I like to poop.
I love to poop.
I love taking the entire newspaper into the bathroom with me because I plan on reading the whole damn thing while sitting on the toilet.

I pooped today for the first time since last Wednesday. This was one of the better poops in my life, not because of any reason other than that it happened. I can only relate it to a pregnant woman being weeks late and then finally delivering. I bet my Mom would disagree.

The poop was very quick. It was a scary experience because of the speed of my poop. We have all heard of projectile vomiting, this was projectile pooping.

My projectile poop evidently has an ego. This poop had a desire to be seen by others. I tried to stop my poop, but in my current condition, I lack the ability to plunge a toilet. Hmmmmm

Surfing the crimson tide

I'm still sofa-surfing (my recliner is a maroon/crimson color, you sick bastards), getting up every now and then, but not often enough to be happy with my recovery time.

I think I'm just a slow healer.

A lot of people around me are happy that Tennessee lost this past weekend to Notre Dame. Truth be told, I think it made the SEC look weak. But anyone who wears orange makes me laugh. See entry below.

UT Sucks

This photo was not captured at the Campus of The University of Tennessee or The University of Florida. Because that would be way too easy.
But for our interests you can assume that it did.
Feel free to look at this photo whenever a UT or UF fan pisses you off. Then you will laugh and remember that you are better than they are.

Hospital pics

As promised, here are some photos from my recent vacation at Piedmont Hospital.

Arm bands......... my first arm band came with the wrong birthdate, which they corrected right before going into surgery. Thank God they caught that before surgery.


I never saw this but my Dad thought that me riding a "big wheel" again was funny. Ha ha ha


Here is my new best friend. This is Dr. Heather Richardson. It is because of her skills with sharp objects that I get percocet. But she didn't like this photo because, "I'm not doing anything official".


So, we took another photo of her doing something "official".


Here is Nurse James, who took care of me pre-surgery. At one point I asked for a blanket and he gave me a toasty, all ready warm, best blanket of all time, blanket. Really nice guy.



Below is Robert, he and I didn't spend much time together, he wheeled me from Pre-Op to the OR. But he, like all of the staff at Piedmont, was very nice. Here he is playing keep away with my fluids.



You're going to put that where?

Just kidding

This is Nurse C.C. and yes that is how she spells it. Which I find amusing. Use your imagination. Nurse C.C. took care of me post-surgery, all I can remember of her, is that I would ask for more drugs and she would say, "ok".

An action photo of C.C.

Ok kids, thanks for playing, I'm going to take more drugs and try to enjoy this football game which so far is a bag of poop. Dave is coming over to wtch the game with me, he is bringing me more saltine crackers. I should also give a shout out to Dave for visiting me in the hospital. And if you don't have anything to do tonight, my band, Funkle Ester, is playing tonight, without me, at the Wild Wing in Suwannee. So if you go, cheer the band but boo my replacement.

Recovery

I don't have many great insights to offer as the percocet comes in waves. Truth be told; I prefer to write by Jack Daniels than percocet. But I can't have any Jack for a while. There is one antibiotic I'm taking that says "no alcohol" while I am on this drug. I don't want to have a drink right now or even in the near future, but the kicker is that I can't have a drink for three whole days AFTER I'm done with this medicine. Now that must be some good medicine even though it tastes like a pill made of poop.

Speaking of poop, I still can't. I've farted twice now. That's "twice" in the past three days and anyone who has been around me for longer than 8 minutes knows that I like to fart. The farts are in there and want to come out, but I can't find the right muscle combination to get them out. The doctor said it would be like riding a bicycle again, just give it time and it too will pass.

Because of the events of Tuesday, I didn't get a chance to vote. But I did get to see some of the coverage. Dan Rather, while commenting about how close this race was going to be said two of the stupidest things I have ever heard on television.

"This race is so close to call; we may need Billy Crystal to 'Analyze This' before it's all over."

In another brilliant moment of television he exclaimed,

"It don't mean a thing, if they don't get those swing states."

Thanks Dan, don't let the retirement door hit you on the way out.

A Medical Journey

So, Monday during the day, I thought I had food poisoning. In the middle of the night I thought I had the flu. Tuesday, after doing some research on the net, I thought I had appendicitis so I went to the doctor. The doctor saw me a 4:00 PM on Tuesday, at 5:00 he sent me to Radiology for a CT Scan. At 7:00 PM I got my CT Scan and at 8:00 PM I got my results. I had appendicitis.

After hearing my results I was immediately taken and checked into the ER. I met with another Doctor who called the doctor I met with previously and then they called and found a surgeon for me. After this, I was put on a stretcher and taken to a holding area for people that they were going to cut open. By now my parents are with me and we are watching the election results come in while waiting for my surgeon to make himself known.

About 10:00 or so my surgeon pops in and introduces herself. Her name is Heather. Nice, kind of cute, but a little young to be cutting into me. As she is explaining the procedure, I ask how many times she as done this surgery and she says, more than 100 but less than 300. Ok, I'm sold.

11:00, they roll me into the Operating Room and put me out, I wake up somewhere between 12:30 and 1:00 and proceed to pass in and out for the remainder of the night.

Yesterday sucked, lots of pain from my abdominal muscles that got played with during surgery, needless to say I'm not going to be playing with the band this weekend.

Spent the night again last night. Today's been ok, plenty of pain and plenty of percocet.

I'm home now.

Thanks to everyone who called and visited, it was great to hear your voices.

I'll be posting some pics later. No, not of the surgery, but of some of the GREAT people of Piedmont Hospital. Piedmont Hospital is the bomb!!!! If I ever have to have my appendix out again I am so going back there.

By the way, the entire procedure cost $15.00. You have got to love health insurance.

The percocet is kicking in, so I'm off to LaLa Land for a few hours.

Flu

I have the flu. It started with a stomach cramp, changed into hot and cold spells, then the vomiting in the middle of the night followed by liquid poop this morning.

Think happy thoughts.

Fishing

I have written this once before, but some computer glitch prevented it from posting. And like a fine wine or piece of art, it can never be recreated to the level of the original. But rest assured that the original was funny, poignant, and also hidden within the clever prose, was the cure for cancer.

To sum up yesterday;
I went fishing with my father-in-law.
We didn't catch anything.
I have the flu.