Sunday, July 31, 2005
The week I have been waiting a year for.
On Thursday I will go to Vegas and for eight days, I will do what I love. I will plan and execute events. Actualy, most of the planning was done by other people months ago. I go out to execute, trouble shoot and pull the whole thing together and as an added bonus, I get to teach a class on the subject.
So, spend time in my second favorite city;
Do what I love for a week;
Visit with old friends;
Get paid to be there.
Does life get any better?
I think not.
Friday, July 29, 2005
A typical friday night in Snobb county
BAA was founded in 2000 by Tom Day, when Congress passed legislation stating Veterans had a right to at least 2 uniformed military people to fold the flag and play taps on a CD player. Bugles Across America was begun to take this a step further, and in recognition of the service these Veterans provided their country, we felt that every Veteran deserved a live rendition of taps played by a live Bugler. To this end, we are actively seeking volunteers to provide this valuable service to Veterans and their families.Long story short, if there is not a military bugler available to play at a military funeral this organization finds someone to do it. Today I got an email from the listserv warning about a group that is traveling to and disrupting military funerals. According to the email;
Our Organization now has 1500 bugler volunteers located in all 50 states and growing number overseas. Since the Department of Veterans Affairs is expecting more than 1/2 million veterans to pass every year for the next 7 years, Bugles Across America is ALWAYS recruiting new volunteers.
The Group is very well trained in instigation techniques. Members of this group do not engage anyone physically, but they do attempt to coerce people into striking them. This gives them cause to file lawsuits in order to gain funds for the organization and future protests.I was curious what kind of group would disrupt any funeral and for what reasons.
The email listed the offenders as Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas. After a quick Google search I found their website and when it loaded I was shocked and stunned. For those of you that think I just picked the most inflammatory website I could for this church, oh no. Here is the actual link for the Google Search. Then I cross-checked the site with news sources and sure enough, this is one seriously hatin' church.
Side note: I won't lie and tell you that when I started college I was not some gay-bashin', anti-abortion, right-wingin' bastard; because I was. But my story had a happy ending. It took some time and some very good and patient friends to open my eyes and point out that I was an ignorant asshole. My views have switched radically in the past few years and I couldn't be happier about it. End of side note.
Ok, so shock of the website aside. I was still at a loss for why a Church would protest military funerals. After searching many news sites, their bottom line is this;
The Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and subsequent American deaths in the war on terror are God's revenge on a nation tolerant of homosexuality.Holy Nontolerance Batman!!! That is some fucked up shit.
These people are just as bad as Islamic Extremists. Maybe worse.
They disgrace the deceased and insult the living all because they lack the ability to accept someone else's values and ideas.
I don't care if you are for or against the current American Government, the war in Iraq, homosexuality, American Idol, or Ashley Simpson; if someone dies, show some God-Damned respect.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
I make it a general rule not to enter or go anywhere near their stores but they did something, something that is going to force me into every Crap store in the metro Atlanta area. From August 8th through August 31st, if you go to a location and TRY ON (not purchase) a pair of jeans, they will give you a free song from itunes.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Quasi-safe for work, just watch the volume.
There isn't much that truly scares me.
Death by fire,
Death by drowning,
Ashley Simpson releasing another record,
the American Idol tour,
and movies starring Vin Diesel.
Today there is something new to add to the list. Androids. Raise your hand if you thought we would see this in our life time. Here's a link to some pics of "her".
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Things happened today.
Actually a lot of things happened today.
The shuttle went up and Mindy McCready OD'd.
Other stuff happened too.
Two of my co-workers were, (insert corporate line here) "indefinitely suspended"
Translation: Got their asses fired.
$9000 of missing phones.
I don't know if they did it, and I hope they didn't. I like them both. But I don't think the corporation would have acted if they didn't have proof. Yeah, emotions are running a bit high at ye olde retail gig.
Something good happened today too, but we won't be talking about it here for a few days because I'm afraid I'll jinx the whole damn thing. But we'll talk about it soon ok?
Last night, when I should have been writing here, I was finishing Harry Potter and the something, something, something. A talented wizard that 'arry is I tell ya.
A fun fodder read, nothing life changing but 600 pages of mind numbing fun. And mind numbing fun is a good.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Today is my day off and life's to-do list is a tad short today.
I need to mow the lawn, empty the dishwasher, read some, but up until now, I have been reading the new Harry Potter book, working on Balloon Camp stuff, and watching various news sources.
CNN has been running the video of the picture to the right all day long and every 15 minutes. They first show it in regular speed and then in Super-Painful-Slow motion. I've searched for the video on the net but haven't found it yet.
Story...At the World Swimming and Diving Championships, American Chelsea Davis attempted a 2Â½ somersault. Slamming her face into the board was not a planned part of this dive. The video is almost traumatic to watch, but it doesn't look like CNN is going to let this go anytime soon.
FYI, She's fine, not even a broken nose. Three stitches and she was released from the hospital.
For those of you who have chosen to abandon their corner of the internet it's time to step back up to the plate. Just write a little ditty one a week. No pressure, but every day you don't write, Dwight gives a close female relative of yours a Dirty Sanchez. If that's not motivation to write, I don't know what is.
I don't want to talk about work, it sucked today and we'll leave it at that. But here's some news for you. If Cingular is your provider, there are multiple towers down in six different Southeastern states with no estimated time of getting them back up and running. So if you can't make a call, that's why.
I think on some level, we all knew this next part was going to happen some day.
Jim nail gunned his hand.
Yeah, go ahead and read that line again and just let your imagination flow.
Ali has no idea how it happened (read: Jim hasn't told Ali how it happened), but Jim did in fact send a nail through his finger using a nail gun.
The nail did not hit any bones and there was very little bleeding. Removing the nail turned out to be very difficult. The medical team at the ER ended up using a Leatherman to yank it out. And by the way, Ali said that Jim is and will be just fine.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
After an unthrilling but profitable 10 hours at the retail gig, I find myself couch surfing, having a stiff.....drink, and dreading going to work tomorrow.
You see right now I lack the ability to make or receive any phone calls. That means other customers in this area are experiencing the same problem. But come tomorrow, their problem will become my problem. Please, someone come over and kill me now.
So as I sit here without the ability to contact anyone, including customer service, I am putting together a plan to deal with the unhappy masses of Snobb County when I go into work tomorrow.
I think I will put a poster on the front door; a type of pre-emptive strike if you will. It will be along the lines of the same letter I posted yesterday, but more tactful. Something like this;
Dear Cingular Wireless customer,
We are well aware that your phones don't work.
Ours don't work either.
We don't know when the problem will be resolved.
We do NOT have the authority to credit your bill.
If you would like to request a credit for your inconvenience, please call customer service from a landline (866-CINGULAR) or from your cell phone (611) when your service has been restored.
If you have further question please come in and sign the waiting list. We will get to you as quickly as possible in the order in which you arrived.
However, if you are here to yell at and insult an employee that is paid an hourly wage so you can feel better about yourself and feel like "You've been heard", then by all means, come on in.
But be warned, you do so at your own risk.
While we are very empathetic to the problem at hand, we are not your personal punching bag and will not tolerate being treated as such.
Your raised voice and haughty attitude will NOT speed up the repair process.
Your yelling and demeaning manner *WILL* cause us to get quite nasty and make us insult you to the point of tears. Don't underestimate our powers. We work in retail.
Bear with us and hopefully we'll all be talking at 80 miles per hour around 285 very very soon.
Thank you for your patience.
Your retail sales reps
Do you think this will help?
Friday, July 22, 2005
Please accept my deepest apologies that your phone is not working in the way that you have grown accustomed to. A truck ran off the road and took out the power that feeds one of our towers. I am sorry that this has happened to you. I would like to take the opportunity to remind you of a few items and answer some of your questions.
A) I was not driving the truck that took out the power to the tower.
B) I do not know how to fix a tower.
C) No, I do not know when it will be fixed.
D) No, I can not credit your bill. Please note that I said, "CAN not", not "WILL not". There is a difference.
E) Your condescending attitude towards me will not speed up the process of getting the said tower fixed.
F) No, I will not apologize for my attitude being that you are currently yelling at me with your finger in my face.
G) No, I really don't care if you take your service elsewhere.
H) Yes, I have thought about going into a different industry. Have you thought about flinging yourself into oncoming traffic?
Thank you and again I am so sorry for the inconvenience.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
During our various outings to Walmart, Target, and Home Depot, I was stunned to see the high number of Large (read: Really Effin Big) churches I saw. For a second I thought I had been transported to some religious Mecca like Jerusalem, Salt Lake City or Waco.
Brett wasn't kidding when he described Nashville as,"The buckle that holds the Bible belt together".
OH!!! If this doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.
Friday, July 15, 2005
To celebrate their accomplishment and because it's been since Athfest; Funkle Ester will be playing Saturday night at Tasty World. One of the Skirts' side projects is opening and we'll go on around midnight.
After the show, I'm heading to Nashville to assist with the Bawcum Relocation Project. Due to the gig Saturday night in Athens, I'm not going to be able to load or unload the truck (Darn, Rats, Aw Shucks) but I'm betting that my anal organizational skills will be put to use at sometime during my stay.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Thursday night I ventured down to Smuckhead to play in a poker torney with Stacy and her friend Gerald. Stacy and I busted out early but Gerald managed to win the whole damn thing.
While he was busy using our poker chips as coasters, Stacy and I found a gigantic bottle of Absolute Vodka and decided to make inappropriate gestures towards it.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
So to create an internet connection for the laptop; I have run a series of cable out of the upstairs bedroom (where the cable modem is located) and down the stairs into the den.
I had an interesting meeting tonight with an agent from Keller Williams. Interesting good and interesting...interesting. Not sure what's next, but Vegas in 22 days.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
And if Public Television is around when I have kids they're going to watch it too. Public Television is a good thing and should be considered a national treasure.
Due to a proposed new budget there is a chance that one of the classic educational programs, Reading Rainbow, could get the ax.
This is tremendously tragic. What is Levar Burton going to do for a living? He's only qualified to play roles that take place in space or that require him to wear a diaper.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Where are we going?
How did we get here?
and the big one.....
What's for dinner?
These are the questions that have plagued us since time began.
In conversations with myself dealing with Christianity, I have found myself at a loss for the big West Wing question of; "What's next?".
Growing up I think I misinterpreted what "faith" is. Looking back on it, instead of truly believing, I think I was being programmed. Programmed from a very early age to think a certain way and up until around 8 or 9 months ago I was perfectly happy living in bliss.
If you believe that Christ is the son of God and that he died on a cross, then good on ya. You have something that I don't which is faith. I have officially lost my faith. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lamenting the loss.
However, the beliefs and opinions of everyone should be respected. If you need proof, ask the victims of terrorism what happens when zealots don't respect the thoughts of others.
I digress, what I mean to say is...
I no longer consider myself a Christian.
I am a Deist.
Webster's Dictionary defines Deism as "One who believes in the existence of a God or supreme being but denies revealed religion, basing his belief on the light of nature and reason."
I like that. It's something I can grasp and that makes sense to my feeble mind.
I'm not going to back up my revelation with a bunch of, what I believe to be, facts. It would come across as aggressive or uppity and that's not the point. I think I figured out what I believe and that's enough.
To wrap up...
This brief and discombobulated outing isn't so much for you as it is for me. I needed to write it out and make sure that I agreed with.....well....myself.
But I found as I started to write out the actual list that I have a poor imagination for this topic. This is where you come in. Please submit items that you would like to do before you die. Try and be specific. Instead of saying, "travel"; say, "Watch the sun rise at Normandy". Got it? Good.
Entries to the list will not include "star in gay porn" so just give up that pipe dream right now. I'm perfectly happy in my role as a fluffer.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
It was a sketch comedy show that poked fun of the homeless, parodied songs turning the likes of "The Candy Man" into "The S an M Man", and had an unreverent Koala.
After many years of playing with themselves, they have landed a multi-episode deal with MTV. Their new show, which after looking at the trailer looks very similar to The Damn Show, is called Stankovision. You can view the trailer here. It takes a while to load.
Oh and here's that article that will make all UGA grads swell with pride.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
>Helped a nice man that afterwards bought me lunch.
>I was yelled (read: screamed) at by a crazy woman.
>30 minutes later and over the phone, I was screamed at by a Middle Eastern man that I couldn't understand.
>My last customer told me that I would be great at his company and to email him my resume. I know nothing about medical sales but I can't afford to start Real Estate yet, so why not?
>We closed the store, locked the door, and I flew straight to the beer store to find a tasty six pack to help me forget about the crazy stuck up people of Snobb County. No Sweet Water Summer Hummer, so a six of Terrapin would have to do.
>I was less than two miles from home when my new and improved boss call to tell me that the alarm at the store was going off. He lives 40 minutes away and me 10. Who has two thumbs and was going back to the store?
When I pulled into the store parking lot I did have a brief thought of, "I hope I'm not walking into a robbery. That would not be the kind of night I was looking forward to."
To sum up
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
My second favorite city in the entire world next of course to Athens, GA. For eight fantastic days and night I will attempt to accomplish the following..
A) Teach a class and produce the shows for Balloon Camp 2005.
B) Spend time with friends
C) Do a bit of gambling
D) Catch a show or two
E) Watch Dian Diaz at my favorite bar while watching the Fountains of Bellagio.
Over the past few months I've done some work here and there to prepare for the trip but it didn't sink in until last week when we purchased my plane ticket.
If you are going to be out there anytime between August 4th and 13th, give me a call. Good times ahead.
Oh and here's a cute story
Monday, July 04, 2005
An iPod lesson from Keith
One pant dropping moment that exposed more than what was necessary
Two hot women making out
Sofa beds are good
Work at the retail gig
Rob makes amazing quesadillas
Team America World Police
Repeated ass and testicle showing
I dropped and broke a glass
A light got punched out
Strangers hooking up
Really bad service at a Publix (we'll be getting back to this later in the week)
I could go into more details about some of the stuff on the list, but I think I would lose some friends in the process.
But I will tell you two that I learned two things.
1) I am cussing too much and I will be curbing it way the fuck back.
2) Beer Pong is never a good idea.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
If you ran a retail store with 7 computers/registers what is the maximum number of people you would have working at any particular time?
That's right, 7. In her last action before she left; Small Mitten scheduled 8 people including myself to work. I don't miss her.
So after going in at 8 AM for our wonderful, mandatory, Saturday morning store meeting, I got to come home. Great start to the Saturday.