Tivo this

Did you hear about the CNN reporter that was caught in the bathroom with her mic on?

Well, it looks like she has a sense of humor about it. She's going on Letterman tonight.

What this?

Here's a little fun game to play. Name the item in the picture below.

Rules. If you are female or if I've already told you the impending story and you know who you are, then you are not eligible to play. Mainly because I want to hear what people think this device is. Then we'll get to the story.

I'm an ass, and you know that, but this makes me laugh.

This almost makes me want to beleive in god again.

Oh and Ramsey family; you know that apology America issued to you last week for thinking for all these years that you killed your daughter? Yeah, we take it back.

Can anyone explain to me why the number pad on the keyboard has the one in the lower left hand corner while the number pad on a telephone has their number one in the upper left hand corner?

Win this

Let's do a best and worst of the Emmy's shall we?

Insert sound of every mouse clicking away from this blog.

Don't do that. This will be brief and fun.

Conan. Pretty damn good. The intro was really funny except for that bit about Conan on a plane that crashes. If you saw 15 seconds of the news yesterday you know that a plane crashed en route to Atlanta from Kentucky killing 49 of 50 people aboard. While the entire taped bit was funny, I can't help but wonder if in the future the producers of awards shows will develop a B roll intro just to be safe. I wonder how much hate press they'll get. But that was 8 seconds of the 45 second intro and the intro as a whole was really funny.

Then there was the musical number based on The Music Man's Trouble in River City. I laughed pretty hard. Sue me. Here it is.

We got trouble my friends.
Yes we got trouble right here at NBC with a capitol T and that rhythms with G,
As in Gee we're we're screwed.
Yeah we got trouble.
Trouble right here at NBC.
I know you don't care but our network share is just one dude.

Well a few years ago we were sitting on top with Seinfeld, Frazier, and Friends.
Then those shows bailed and the new ones failed and it started a nasty trend.
Then the guy who passed on Lost was promoted instead of tossed.
And now the peacock is getting it from both ends.

Yeah we've got trouble.
Right here at NBC with a capitol T and that rhythms with G.
As in Gee we're screwed.
Yeah we've got trouble.
Right here at NBC.
Ain't disrespect but my lawyer checked and I can't be sued.

(Spoken) It's not just NBC folks. All of television is changing and we gotta change with it. Tivo has people skipping past commercials. Unlike the good ol days when they just got up and left the room.

Then there's the internet. At this very moment your kids are on Youtube watching a cat on a toilet. Instead of watching that footage where it belongs; on the Fox network. And worst of all...TV's biggest night of the year, is ticking off with a song and dance number, performed by a host with limited musical ability.

(Sung)
Yeah, we got trouble. We had a lot of viewers and now we've got a few.
To prove things are going to hell, we're relying on Howie Mandel.
Yeah we've got trouble, with a capitol T and that rhymes with G.
As in Gee we're screwed.

I know reprinting the lyrics don't come close to doing the performance justice, but take my word for it, it was funny. Conan deserves to inherit the Carson throne from Letterman.

Best quote from Conan;

"Folks, let me speak from experience. Just because something only lasts fourteen seconds doesn't mean it's not spectacular."


The High points:

-Stephen Colbert greeting the audience by saying; "Good Evening, godless Sodomites".

-Kiefer Sutherland and Julia Louise-Dreyfus', acceptance speeches.

-24 winning Best Drama Series.

-Tina Fey and Katherine Heigl looking hot.

-Bob Newhart being locked into an airproof chamber that only has three hours of air. So if the award show goes long Bob Newhart dies.

-Greg Garcia's acceptance speech for Writing in a Comedy Series for So my Name is Earl.

"I don't have time to thank everybody that I should so I thought it'd be easier by mentioning a few people I do not want to thank. To my 8th grade Social Studies teacher who told to me sit down and shut up because I wasn't funny. No thank you Mr Macadoo. My boss when I was a PA on the show Step by Step who made me clean gum off of the Executive Producer's shoe; no thank you ma'am, I do not share this with you. And finally god, I'm sure you're responsible in some way but you took my hair, and that's not cool man."

-The two new Mac commercials.

-Dick Clark. 'Nough said.


Low points:

-Barry Manilow winning Outstanding Individual Performance In A Variety Or Music Program, beating out David Letterman. Wrong on more levels that I think exist.

-Martin and Charlie Sheen jumping their intro and coming on stage early.

-Simon Cowell getting booed when taking the stage to introduce/honor Dick Clark. Look, I hate American Idol more than any of you, but the man was there to honor someone. Lighten the fuck up.

-The final low point? It was an award show.

Seriously.

What kind of a world do we live in where Barry "Fuck Stick" Manilow beats out David Letterman for an Emmy.

I think Dennis Leary said it best on his "No Cure for Cancer Album".

I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Beegees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, okay! That was the only good thing about the 1980's. We got rid of one of the Beegees. One down, three to go. That's what I say, folks. Yeah! Here's ten bucks! Bring me the head of Barry Mantilow, alright? I wanna drink beer out of his empty head! I wanna have a Barry Mantilow skull keg party at my apartment, ok?! You write the songs, we'll drink the beer out of your head.

Saturday

I and others were invited to help Tony brew some beer today. And by help I mean drink beer and watch Tony do all the work. It has been about six years since I have been around the home brewing process and it is everything I remember and more. If you have never smelled mash, you are missing one of life's great smells.

A few hundred laughs later, I bolted to a 1976 high school class reunion where Funkle Ester would play for a few hours and in return for some "shoe money". The gig was fine. No exciting stories. Although at last week's gig in South Carolina, a woman showed up with and danced with her very own male blow up doll. That was something.

I need a weekend.

RIP

After my Tuesday post regarding the traffic, Chris sent me a piece he wrote a while back on Atlanta traffic. I liked it and he said I could share. Read this.

Yes, I'm being lazy this week. Bite me.

Drink this bitches

Has anyone heard of Wine Styles?

It is a chain of wine (DUH) stores that try and keep things very simple. Most bottles are under $25 and they organize the wine by one of eight labels. Crisp, Silky, Rich, Bubbly, Fruity, Mellow, Bold, Nectar. They are trying to make wine easier to understand. Here are the current and future locations coming to Georgia. Yes, I'm interested. Thank you.


And on a completely unrelated note;

I just got a Google hit from, "midget population, Athens, Georgia."

Drive in this

Hey Atlanta!

Great job this morning acting like you knew what you were doing behind the wheel. It only took me an hour and forty-five minutes to get from Snobb County to downtown Atlanta. Keep it up.

Ass.

Fear This

I have an unnatural fear of tape worms.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Thanks Discovery Channel.

A woman walks into a retail store and proceeds to scold, yell, scream, chastise, insult, and verbally flog the hell out of a tremendously nice retail employee. He is being treated as such because the retail store is out of a certain product and there is no way to determine when it will come in. After allowing her to berate him for sometime he tells the woman that he is going to check his "Psychic book" to determine when her product will arrive in the store. He walks to the printer, removes a blank piece of paper from the tray and places it on the counter in front of the woman. He looks at the piece of paper, then at the woman and calmly says; "I guess the psychic book is broken." At this point it was debated whether or not the woman was going to jump over the counter to strike the employee.

I don't miss the retail job for one minute but I do miss stories like that one.

The Roast of William Shatner can be summed up using five words. Five simple words from the television show South Park;

"Dude, that was fucking weak."

I have really enjoyed the television roasts but it seems that the further away Comedy Central gets from The Friar's Club, the worse they get. There were some really funny moments but as an entire event, nothing special.

List this

OOOO!!!

Before the list of random crapola; Chris just emailed, his and Aaron's 48 Filmfest Video is up on youtube. Click here. Watch it twice, no really, twice. Three times if you're slow. You know who you are.

1) I think Becky said it best.

"The Ramsey family. On behalf of...the entire country. Our bad."

Karr's plain stare and blunt coldness chills me to the bone.


2) Happier things. The Whigs are moving up in the world.


3) WWDC was last week. If you are a Mac geek go watch Jobs' keynote address. Hang tough through the boring tech speak, there's some cool stuff in there.


4) The trailer for the Tenacious D movie is up. I've wanted to see this movie for a really long time, but after seeing the trailer, I'm not so sure. I'm afraid it'll suck worse than being strangled in a basement by a pedophile. Again Ramsey's, sorry about that whole thinking you killed your own daughter thing.


4) Finally I found another Vegas pic to share.

"Cheers, here's to no open container laws."

Final this

The last story from the Vegas trip involves the poker room at The Mirage, Kit, an Asian asshole and his friend, and me.

We were playing 1/2 no limit at a very friendly table. A lot of conversation that centered around college football. The specific topic was college stadiums and who had very pleasant or unpleasant fans. Then UF's stadium, The Swamp, came up. I began to share my memories of that stadium when the Asian asshole piped up with; "What the hell do you know?" I retorted that I had indeed visited The Swamp and it indeed sucked.

This didn't sit well with him and he proceed to insult my shirt and call me a "faggot" and how "I didn't know shit" and that I "needed to watch where I headed after this". Let me tell you that this guy has not bought into the game and he knows no one at the table. I tell the dealer to take control of his table and get rid of the guy that is talking shit and not even in the game. I'm ok with people talking shit if they have money to lose but if they are just there to be there then they need to shut it. The pussy of a dealer tells the guy to "talk nice". I could care less about what I was called. It's just the fact that you aren't allowed to talk shit to people playing when you aren't in the game.

The Asian asshole's friend buys into the game, giving him a somewhat legitimate reason to sit there. Play continues but the entire time the Asian asshole is mubling under his breath on how he is going to kick the faggot's ass and he can't wait to box me. Seriously? Who says "box"? He is talking loud enough for me and a few other players to hear, but it's a non issue to me. I'm still taking down my pots and could care less. Seriously, what the hell is he going and his buddy going to try and do to me in a casino?

This went on for about fifteen minutes until one of the two guys starting a staring contest with Kit. And Kit winked back. Not good. They called Kit a faggot and it was on from there. I believe the exact phrase; "Dude, I'm from Perry and I know all kinda ways of whoopin'' your ass." was uttered. They stood toe to toe in a blink of an eye. Two of them to one of Kit.

I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I jump up and "get Kit's back"? Two reasons. 1) It happened so fast that I had a hard time believing that it was actually happening and/or real and 2) I knew there was no way this was going to get outside of the casino. Hell, it barely got out of the poker room.

All it took for security to intervene was when the Asian asshole slapped Kit's back so hard it took Kit a few steps for him to recover. At that point, I yelled out for the Floor and Floor immediately called security and were on the two assholes in a heartbeat. Floor came over to ask who started it. I said that it was all my fault because I wore a shirt that was so flamingly gay that it moved the Asian kid to call me a faggot. Evidently calling someone a faggot is enough to get kicked the fuck out of The Mirage. "Pack your bags guys, you're outta here!!!" was the line yelled by the Floor. A pretty nice moment.



Changing topics.

I saw a few celebrities while I was out there. A few pro poker players were working at the Bellagio. They're all smaller than they appear on TV, which I found interesting. I don't get star struck, it just doesn't happen. But I did see one D-list celebrity that I had to get a picture with.


Iron Chef Morimoto

Vegas Part duex

My last Friday night in Vegas was spent with two friends from college. Chris Hagood and Aaron C. I can't tell you how good it was to see them.

Chris informed me earlier in the day that we would be going to dinner at The Pink Taco, and no that's not a euphemism for something. The Pink Taco a is pretty good Mexican joint in The Hard Rock Casino. Chris picked me up and we grabbed a beer while waiting on Aaron. Aaron arrived with his girlfriend Mel. To put this as clearly as possible, Mel is fucking great! She's funny, personable, sincere and a great match for Aaron. Plus she's a geek too. Geek in the "Pick-any-piece-of-production-equipment-and-software-and-she-could-kick-my-ass" sense of the word.

Dinner started with a shot of a highbrow tequila called Hurra Burra. Very tasty and smoother than Patron. If Jesus was a tequila, he would be Hurra Burra.

During dinner we decided to make it a low key night and we headed over to Aaron and Mel's for a beer and a screening of their 7 minute film. The weekend before these three and others competed in a 48 hour film competition. Very simple premise. Make a movie in 48 hours.

Their movie is really funny and very well done. My first time watching it, I was blown away by Chris' acting skills. The second time through we paused it every 30 seconds so I could ask questions and they could share stories from the process. Then I started to realize everything that a Director has to do and the way he was to think. Aaron did a killer job.

You might be wondering why I'm telling you all of this. You need to watch the video and you need to watch it more than once to catch all of the subtleties. Where? Well hopefully in a few days it will be up on Youtube.com for all to enjoy. Don't worry, I'll let you know as soon as I hear that it's up.

While the video is great and it won the audience vote award. But the best part of the night was seeing and spending time with these two men that went out of their way to allow me to spend time with them. I miss the good old days.

Next story and final chapter; Kit and how he got two guys thrown out of a casino and my celebrity sighting.

Vegas Part 1

I landed Friday the 4th and made my way by taxi to a convenience store to pick up the necessary supplies that I couldn't take on a plane. Then straight to the hotel/convention space/casino where my employers/friends met me at the lobby. We shared a drink and a few laughs while they caught me up with the latest industry news and rumors.

They hit the sack and I hit the hotel room. Then I realized I couldn't sleep. Body tired, mind racing. I went downstairs to get a drink and ended up buying in for two hundred for a 1/2 nl poker for three hours. Three hours later I was up four bills. I would love to write that I cashed out and went to bed but instead I blew the winnings on blackjack. Unfortunately, this would not be the first or last time I would go through this routine. Poker, Good. Blackjack, Bad. If I could have learned that lesson I would not have come home.

I eventually crashed and was up the next morning to work. The convention had its up and downs and smooth and rough patches. Overall, and to the attendee it was a good event. This year's convention flew by and it wasn't just me that noticed. This one felt different. It felt strange. We don't know why.

We loaded out on Thursday. I say "we" like I lifted a damn thing. I lifted maybe three things max. My A/V crew loaded out the night before as did the talent. So my job was finished. I just said goodbye to some people, checked out of the Tuscany, and move into the Mirage for some R&R.

The Mirage was nice, very clean. The room was a room. The food was pretty good and the poker room was pretty live. I never got as comfortable in the Mirage poker room as I did in the Tuscany's and the results showed.

Thursday afternoon, I went down to the best pool ever. It was beautiful setting with large palm trees and blue sky. I took a great nap in the shade on a comfortable lounge with an almost constant breeze. I had a beer, took a nap, had another beer and took another nap. Everything about it was great, except for the very large family that surrounded us after we had been there for two hours. I swear it's must have been how David Crockett felt at The Alamo.

More later. Including a play by play of an almost fight at the Mirage poker room and how we got two guys kicked out of a casino. And the celebrity I met at the airport. And dinner with Chris, Aaron and Mel. But me thinks I have spent to much time writing this and not enough time working.

Leave this

I'm sitting in the Las Vegas airport using their free, pay attention Hartsfield, FREE wireless internet. I'll recap the last eight days tomorrow later, right now, I'm exhausted, my body is in pain from moving for 20 hours a days for five days straight and I can't wait to get home.

But did I have fun? Absolutely.
Was the convention successful? Yup.
And I've already been invited back for next year.

I did realize one thing on this trip. While I miss being around events and productions, I don't want to go back to doing it full time for a long long time. I can come to Vegas once a year and do it here and then go back to my cushy sales job the rest of the year.

Yes, I heard that Cynthia McKinney is gone. I jerked so fast with glee the light operator thought I just gave him the next cue on the sheet.

Unfortunately, John Crooks got one step closer to the Cobb School Board seat. Doesn't the Cobb School Board do a good enough job getting into the national news cycle on its own? Did we as the citizens of Snobb County really need to add 666 gallons of fuel to the fire? He faces a retired GSU administrator in Beth Farokhi. Come on neighbors who you gonna vote for? A pompous religious leader or someone who actually has educational experience?

Ladies and gentlemen. Start your Tivos. The Roast of William Shatner will air on Comedy Central on August 20th at 10 PM.

The Colbert Report on Comedy Central is really coming along nicely. Here's a site where you can make your own "On Notice" board.

Multimedia message

Anyone want to pick me up in vegas and drive me home? You're going to feel real bad if i die.

Multimedia message

Don't ask

Multimedia message

I've told you all that these balloon people are a little off.

Here's an example...

Yes, I made it alive.
Yes, I'm having fun.
Yes, the weather feels better then here than it did in Georgia when I left.
Yes, I'm exhausted. 18 - 20 hour days
Yes, there is now internet here.

I took some other pics, I'll post tomorrow. There are nothign exciting, but then again, I never really know whast going to happen here on a day to day basis.

Skirt this

If you missed Modern Skirts on the telvision show Storyline. Here's your chance. TBS has posted four clips from the show that you can either watch, or download to your video enabled ipod.

Say goodnight Gracie.........this

Ok kids, nothing of note.

No political bitching.
No whining about Snobb County.
Nothing.
Life is good.
Family is good.
Friends are good.
The dog is still the best dog ever.


I'm working almost a full day then I'm hopping a flight to Vegas. Things that will be accomplished on this trip...

Run ops for the convention.
Gamble
Re-connect with old friends.
Pop the hell out of Kit's Vegas cherry.
Gamble.
Hang with two dear friends from college. (Good luck with the 48 Film Comp)
Watch the beautiful Dian Diaz and her kickass band perform while sitting at the Fontana Lounge sipping really good pinot and watching the fountain show out the windows.
Enjoy the town.
Enjoy life.
Sleep with three lesbians simultaneously.
Ok, not so much the last one, although if heaven exists and I don't think it does, I think that sleeping with three lesbians simultaneously would have to be a daily if not hourly activity.


Someone recently commented that I seemed happy and I am. For the first time in a long time. It has something to do with the job, but I think the time of unemployment gave me new focus on what's really important. I feel closer to my friends than I have in a while and I've made new ones in the process. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. We can hope and strive to find a job that gives us meaning. But at the end of the day all a job does it get us closer to retirement and not working. And at the end of all that, if we have no one to share life with, what purpose did the job really serve.

I don't write like this often and I remind you that these posts aren't for you, they're for me. A journal to remember life and moments gone by. There are so many great, grand, sad and tragic moments from times that I no longer remember and I wish I could.

I didn't find Jesus, although it's rumored he's in my couch cushions, and this isn't some zen BS. Maybe it was the Lasik. I'm starting to see clearer now.

Now, that I've written this, I have just guaranteed that my plane will crash.

Say nice things at my funeral.

Photo blog to commence for the next week, if I get there in one piece.

Fly me to this

I came home and watched all five parts of the pilot for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It is standard Sorkin. If you liked Sports Night or the West Wing, you're going to like this.



It's almost time and the pre-travel jitters are here. I head to Vegas on Friday after work for nine days. Four of them I will work my ass off. Up by 6 and in bed around 1 or 2, depending on how load out goes each night. I'll get paid and then recover, relax, and play a lot of poker. But every year, I get the pre-convention jitters.

I'm worrying about what any event planner would worry about. Has this been handled? Who taking care of this? What are we doing about this, this, this and this? You can plan for the expected, it's planning for the unexpected that's the rub.

My former boss at The Smassic Smenter trained me very well in how to look for the unexpected. It's something I end up thanking him for every year in my head.

This is weak. I'll end it here.

Watch this - Right now

I know all of three people that are actually going to care about this. But being a Sorkin nut, I can't resist.

The pilot episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip has been leaked on utube.com. It is in five parts. If this interests you, click all of the apprpriate tabs and open five windows right now, you can always watch it later but I expect NBC to hear about this in have it yanked any minute.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

So do you remember when I was bitching about, Arbor Turf, the super crappy lawn company?

I thought dumping their slack asses would end the story.

Nope.

Last week our new kickass law service came out and did their thing. The lawn has come back with a vengeance since hiring these people. I am convinced they are feeding our lawn the same steroid combination that Balco gave Barry Bonds. The lawn looks great! No fuck that. The lawn looks so good that if the lawn was a lesbian porn scene it would star Jessica Alba and Mary-Louise Parker.

Two days after the new company came out, Arbor Turf showed up and fertilized the lawn all over again. What The Fuck!?!?!? I called Arbor Turf to remind them of our break up conversation. No one answered so I left a message. To their credit they called back the next day and said they would waive the cost and end the service immediately. This is the first thing they have done correctly and hopefully this conversation represents the last time I will have to deal with this ass hat company.

Onto more pleasant things.
Tonight was spent with a great group of old college friends. The Byrd's were in town, the Daly's were there, there was also a J. Facdol and a K. Hightower. I can't begin to tell to you how much I laughed. Over the past year I've thought a lot about the number of friends that have left Georgia for other pursuits. It really started to get to me about three months ago. Tonight was a stellar reminder about appreciating the time you're allowed with good people. That doesn't mean I'm ok with all of you fuckers leaving Georgia. You're all still dicks for leaving, but I also know that life moves forward and in the end, blah, blah, blah. You know what I'm trying to say.

Watch this

Paul posted this really sweet video. You don't need sound, just read the translation as the video goes along.