I hope everyone is snuggling with their loved ones on the couch watching all the glory that is college football.

If you're not a member of the Skirts' mailing list you might not be aware of a few upcoming items.

- Sunday, 11 AM live interview and performance on 99x.

- Sunday, 8 PM; Live and acoustic show at Park Tavern as a part of 99x's Unplugged in the Park concert series. Another fav, Boulevard opens at 7 PM

-Tuesday, 8 AM; A taped performance and interview on Fox 5. According to the description;

"Jay's interview will prove to be entertaining, especially if you're into the whole deer-in-the-headlights thing."

Go Dawgs and Go Mizzou!!!

I almost vomited at Wild Wing.

While in college there was this girl. This girl was moderately attractive but could have been gorgeous if she hadn't been such a raging bitch. She came from money and knew it. She was better than you, even if hadn't received the memo about it. She also took her performance partner, a very kind woman, and turned her into a snobby mcsnoberson.

She would wear a one piece spandex workout suit to rehearsals that was more than revealing and not in a good way. I guess it was good for twirling things and getting guys to gawk at you, but it left nothing to the imagination. Read: I could have made a fashionable and well fitting camel shoe based on the image that was burned into my head.

Tonight, while trying to enjoy wings and beer, wings and beer, wings and beer, I glanced up to a TV and there she was. She was a part of a reality/competition show on cable TV. There was no sound but the show seemed like a way to fill holes in the programming gap. I watched her compete in an obstacle course, a "match the logo to the team name" game, and a dance routine. I'm sure there were more, but I was busy trying to keep my wings and beer down.

If good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people then there is no such thing as karma.

Answer this

Last night was one of even keeled enjoyment. I was invited to play trivia with Becky and two of her friends at Fado. We were successful in proving that we are not nearly as smart as we think we are.

Fado does trivia in a way that makes me want to go back every week. It's not the standard bar format of "Ask a question, play a song, ask a question, play a song" so you'll sit here longer and drink more beer and eat more food. That format can suck about as much as being an Auburn fan. (For Christ's sake pick a mascot and go with it already. "We're plainsmen, we're eagles, we're tiger, we're donkey raping shit eaters.)

Fado's trivia is done in four rounds. Each round consisting of 10 questions. They just read off all ten questions. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam......... and bam. Then the Mr. DJ plays two or three songs. That's round one. Repeat three more times. It started about ten after eight and was finished by ten fifteen. Sweet. I'll be back, but with smarter people.


Oh and I was told that I am responsible for not keeping everyone (Read: Becky) up to date on when and where the Skirts play in the Atlanta area. I guess clicking on the link to the right that says; "Modern Skirts" is a bit of a reach for some people. Anyways, here is a list of upcoming Skirt-like gigs in Atlanta.

Oct 1 2006
7:00P
99X's Unplugged In The Park
Atlanta, GA

Oct 6 2006
8:00P
Atlantis Music Conference @ Smith's Olde Bar
Atlanta, GA

Nov 24 2006
9:00P
Ten High Club
Altanta, GA

This is disgusting. Yes, I laughed, but it doesn't make it right.

(Chevy Chase + Law and Order)/Mel Gibson = Something I might watch. Ok, maybe not.

This is an interview of Wilco's Jeff Tweedy by SNL's Fred Armisen. Madlibs are involved.

And Chris has posted a video so great that I sat stunned in silence for at least 20-22 seconds. In a word, Germans love David Hasselhoff.

After scoring the go ahead touchdown and time expired on the clock. 94,000 people didn't move. We didn't know what to do. We were stunned that A) we were behind the entire game, B) we got our butts handed to us the entire game and C) we came back in miracle fashion and stole the victory away from a team that deserved the win.

When we made it back to the car and hit the road, loud religious zealots had taken over most of the campus street corners. They were banging bibles against their palms, yelling into megaphones and displaying large religious banners. These people were screaming at anyone who drove by that they were going to hell. Well the only thing all 94,000 of us had in common was that we all just attended a collegiate football game. I'm not against religion, but I am against stupidity. Someone show me in the bible where it says you are going to hell for attending a football game. Shut it. Hard.

I really wanted to jump out of the car and argue with them to infuriate them to a point of getting them to punch me at which point I would have them arrested and removed from the street corner. But I had carpooled with friends and one of their other friends is a Republican lobbyist who seemed to have a bond with these people. I played nice so I kept my mouth shut. And it is a very good thing I did.

Turns out there was a seven car wreck that closed both sides of 85. It took the six of us that carpooled together 4 hours and 15 minutes to get from Athens to Atlanta. Effin retarded. I can't imagine the awkwardness of that car ride if I had smarted off about the useless tactics of the religious zealots. Being stuck in a car is about as great as being stuck on an airport runway. Luckily, we had beer and wine to get us home without totally frying out on each other. Yeah, that's the smarts right there. We did have to pull over so the Colorado and Ralphie police escort could pass through. Yeah. My middle finger is sprained from how fast I flipped them the megabird.


Ms. Cleo has finally come out of the closet. You can all rest a little bit easier now.

And you didn't know this, but there is a world wide helium shortage going on right now. If supply does not increase there is a possibility that there will be no floats in your holiday parades. Not that I think that's a bad thing.

This is not necessary.

This is a coupon for free coffee today at Dunkin Doughnuts.

Scott Baio turns 46 today and Def Leopard is reissuing a 20th anniversary 2 disc set of Hysteria. Does that make anyone else feel old?


Tomorrow we pack up the Winnebago and head to Athens for...

Tailgating. Yummy foods and beer.

A football game between the Bulldogs of Georgia and the Buffalos of Colorado, which will consist of a 900 pound buffalo running onto the field when the Colorado team takes the field. This normally takes place when the UGA band is very close to the opposing teams tunnel. One of two things is going to happen; 1) The band will rewrite a small portion of the drill or 2) The Sunday headline of the Athens Banner Herald will read; "Flagline Flayed, Buffalo Butchered"

Don't expect much out of this game. The senior quarterback for Colorado is not playing this weekend. Sad story.

After the game we will imbibe more tasty beer and food.

Sunday; I will rest.

This past summer the band, Of Montreal, won the Athfest award for best video for the song, "Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Songs". I really like the song and I thought the video was great.

Yesterday morning while getting dressed for work, The Today Show was on in the background. It went to commercial and I thought I heard the same song but very different. Turns out, Outback Steakhouse bought rights to the song rewrote the lyrics and are currently using it in a new national campaign.

I don't know what to think of this.

Wings and beer and wings and beer and wings and beer and wings and beer.

mmmmmmm................


Here's the chorus to a new Modern Skirts song.

All I play is the shaker in the band,
The shaker in the band
God damn, god damn.

All I play is the shaker in the band,
Shaker in the band,
God damn, *grunting*

Click this

A coworker of mine sent this funny to me. If you want to pass it along to others, look at the URL to figure it out.

Birth this

Daniel Alford was born today at 1:17PM.
6 lbs 5 oz; 19.5 inches

Mom and baby are doing just fine.

Pollack is going to be ok. I'll be honest, I was worried.

The Modern Skirts gig last night was very cool, very odd, but incredibly fun to watch and be a part of. Of course, most of this morning sucked ass. It was worth it.

Amanda Peet is severely underrated as an actor. If you care, I will be more than happy to point you to her unspoken scene that blew me away. No it wasn't porn.

Related note...Studio 60; two thumbs way up there.

Oh and this just scares the bajesus out of me.

Weekend this

It can go ahead and be Fall now. No really. The thermometer inside Sanford Stadium on Saturday said 81 degrees. I suggest they get a new thermometer. It was hot. I'm ready for Fall.

Saturday; football.

Saturday night; lots of beer. By the way, Paulaner's Oktoberfest is really good.

Sunday; Home and yard work. Yard's ass successfully kicked. Trees and bushes pruned to near expert levels. Pine straw has been reapplied to appropriate pine islands. Which bring me to this. I hate pine straw. I have no good reasoning for this right now, I just do.

Tonight, Modern Skirts, as part of Paste magazine's Rock n Reel Festival, are headlining tonight at The Earl. I'm thinking about going. Hell of a way to start the work week though. I could be regretting this decision all week long.

Whine about this

Oh Boo-Fucking-Hoo.

The link above is to an AJC.com article where Steve Spurrier is whining about the no calls during last week's football game. The refs were very well balanced in not making holding calls when either team had the ball. Go throw a visor.

In more pleasant news, it's off to Athens for the game. While I don't particularly want go to watch a 1-AA team play a 1-A team, I will attend, sit in my seat, eat my boiled peanuts, listen to Munson, cheer on the Dawgs while exerting as little energy as possible and then drink beer.

Other things on the weekend to-do list. I need to kick the yard's ass. There are bushes and trees that have been taunting me with their long askew branches and mangy tops. And the grass has decided that it needs more space, so it's invaded the pine islands. Some industrial strength death spray will cure that.

This week has been nothing so a few random items.

You need to check out Venice is Sinking. Good stuff.

I was just hired to coordinate an upcoming lecture by this guy. I think I should read a book or two of his before doing this gig.

Lukas sucks. Because his name was leaked as the winner weeks ago, there are thoughts that he was a plant. That would explain a lot of things about this season, like how in the hell did he win.

I wonder how small Nancy Grace is feeling today.

Microsoft launched Zune today. Yawn.

Steve Job's latest keynote is online. I downloaded the new itunes. So far so good.

Yup.............Yup................

Lot of action.

Lot.

of.

Action.

Weekend this

Fucking blogger lost my post.

Take 2, this time more to the point.

Went to Nashville for the weekend.

Had a ball.

Saw Angie Aparo kick ass at 12th and Porter.

Got really drunk off of four drinks.

Told lesbian couple that "I admired their lesbianism".

Fell down a hill after tripping over my own two feet.

Next day.

Watched football.

Inspired by ihumpthings.com, I humped things. They screamed to be humped. They deserved to be humped. I don't care if this is immature behavior that I will one day have to explain to any future offspring, humping things is fun.

First up, this large statue of naked people.


I climbed, I humped.

She didn't feel a thing.


Last but better than the first, the headquarters of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Why didn't anyone tell me my legs were so pale? I'm never wearing shorts again.

Multimedia message

The trip to nashville is off to a good start

Watch this

I think Michael Adams is a donkey. Sorry but "dick-ass-face" just seemed to nice. I hate that the only voice he listens to is the one in his head. His idea of family friendly zones forced families and friends with years of tradition to find new places or can their activities all together. Georgia Sports Blog visited the new family friendly areas to see how well it was working. He made a video out of what he and others witnessed and the results are fantastic. Unfortunately, even if Mike Adams saw this video he doesn't have the balls to admit he was wrong. What a waste.


Oh yeah, and I just bought this.

Click on this

Someone commented on Tony that led me to this site.

There is a link off of that site that takes you to this site.

Humping websites are funny.

Then there is this site, which might be the biggest waste of disposable income I have ever seen.

Learn this

When you witness the glory that is Tom Jones, you will be filled with the undeniable urge to take off your underwear and throw them at him. Be prepared. Stuff your purse or pockets with extra underwear to throw so you won't have to go commando after he sings Delilah.

I suck at this

Today was a great reminder of things that I do not have the natural ability to do. So just for the record, here are two things I don't do well, despite trying.

Menstruating; Ok, so I don't have the ability to actually do this, but if I could, I think I would suck at it.

Kickball: Turns out, I suck Nell Carter Ass at kickball. Oh sure, think back to your middle school days and remember how easy it was. Try it now. I dare you.

On my first at bat. I put the ball in play and proceeded to run as fast as I could to first base. Evidently, the ground was not prepared to keep up with my Michael Johnson-like speed. I fell flat on my face 3/4ths of the way to first.

Skinned knee, hands, and thigh aside, the only thing truly bruised was my ego. I'd love to say that this was my only gracefilled moment of the day, but it wasn't. I was able to laugh off the bumps and bruises to take a decent and well deserved ribbing for the rest of the day. The only person I refused to take shit from was J.J. Only because he's J.J. and I don't think he's ever seen a vagina that wasn't videotaped. Nothing against J.J. of course. I just refuse to take any form of lip from the guy.

All this to say that I have satisfied my kickball curiosity and I am fully aware of my limits when it comes to this game.

Beer Pong = Bad Idea. Kickball = Even worse.

Anyone wanna play dodgeball?

I am shocked at the amount of press coverage that Steve Irwin is getting after dying at the *hands*? of a stingray.

Come watch this

Funkle Ester
Saturday night
The Melting Point located at The Foundry Park Inn and Spa
9 PM - Midnight
$5 in advance here
or $7 at the door


Oh and here's another reason to love Vegas

Scan this

So last week I had my first and hopefully last run in with a mammogram machine.

A few weeks ago, I discovered something in my left tit area. Of course this is not something anyone would consider to be a good thing. I left it alone and went to Vegas. Stupid? Perhaps. But I was going to Vegas and I was not going to worry. I came back and noticed it had changed shape and was sensitive to pressure. Time to visit the doc.

The doctor visit was last week. He poked around for a minute and said; "Yup, there's something there."

At this point, I experienced two emotions.

Emotion A) Elation. I was ecstatic that I wasn't crazy.

Emotion B) Extreme paranoia. I thought of what I would say in the video that I would play at my funeral. But for the record, I knew that I would have to fly Aaron out to direct it, Brett to score it and Chris to play the part of injured method extra.

The doc proceeds to tell me that only 1 in every 1000 tit lumps are found in men. Greeeaaat. The doc then tells me that the next day, I'm going to get a mammogram. And because a man finding a lump is really rare, the man gets a free pass to the front of the mammogram line. I'm still not sure on how I feel about that, but at this point I wasn't one to argue.

The next day I went the Piedmont Breast Center. If you ever want to shut up a group of women talking; be male and walk into the Piedmont Breast Center. There were probably 15-18 women of varying age in the waiting room and when I walked in EVERYONE STOPPED TALKING AND STARED AT ME. At this point I would like to thank the women of Atlanta for making me feel like the biggest freak in the world.

I talked with the woman at the welcome desk and she was lovely. She really tried to put me at ease. After signing in I sat down in the waiting room and tried to find a magazine to read that didn't start with Cosmo or Women's Day or menstruating Monthly. After a few minutes I happened upon a May issue of Time. I didn't care. At least I knew that I wouldn't be reading an article on how 50 ways to seduce my man.

After 10-12 uncomfortable minutes of icy stares I was called into the exam room. In case you don't know what a mammogram machine does; it squashes your breast and then takes a picture. In my case a total of 12 pictures. That equals my breast being squashed 12 separate times. And by squished I mean HOLY FUCKING TIT PAIN. I don't have much breast flesh to begin with but as much flesh as the technician found, at times I felt like a well formed B cup.

Long story short, too late. I got my results. Benign tumor. Totally harmless.

Scary? Yes.

Felling better? Yes.

Sure way to be killed? Touch my left titty. That's my left, your right. You've been warned.

I'm heading to Athens tomorrow for the game and a gig.

Funkle Ester will be playing at The Melting Point which is located at The Foundry Park Inn and Spa. It is a rare early show for us. 9 until midnight. I have no idea about the cover. Hope to see old Athenian friends there.