This past Sunday I finally got around to using the Six Flags Season Passes my brother gave me for my birthday. Unfortunately he wasn't working so I didn't get to see him perform.

We arrived at 10 AM, and parked for an outrageous fifteen bucks. We then proceeded to go from ride to ride with no more than a 20-25 minute per ride. We rode every coaster in the park and in the process, decided that we are officially too old for wooden rollercoasters. They kicked our collective asses. All of the more modern coasters like Batman, Superman, Goliath, and the Georgia Scorcher were a blast and I think we all felt a little younger when we got off the ride.

When we stopped for lunch I was stunned. I expected the typical overpriced we-have-you-now-so bend-over-and-take-it-like-Elmer-Fudd theme park food, but it wasn't that bad, at first. Two burgers and fries for 16 bucks. Yes, still over priced but it wasn't that bad for a theme park. The burgers were pretty tasty and they had a fresh condiment bar with leafy green lettuce and fresh onions and tomatoes.

But then they get you. If you add two sodas the total cost of lunch jumped 43%. Each medium soft drink cost $3.50. Who the fuck does Bugs and company think we are? Oh yeah, we're thirsty people. I thought I could outsmart the rabbit by hopping over to the vending machine and grabbing a diet coke for a buck but that damn lagamorph beat me. A 12 ounce softdrink or water out of the vending machine is again $3.50.

Except for the knowledge that I got screwed in the liquid department we had a ball. The park was decorated for Halloween and those who came dressed up gave us plenty of fodder for pointing and staring. The park was clean except for the Alabama rednecks and hormonal teenagers trying to make out in every cue line. All in all, fun way to waste a Sunday.

Saturday afternoon I headed over to the 5th annual Cobb Dawgs Chili competition. I have never been so full of chili and beer in my life.

At 3:30 all in attendance grabbed a piece of carpet and settled in to watched the UGA game. Every seven to ten minutes or so Tony or Ben would makes the rounds and give everyone a 3 oz cup full of chili. We would eat and jot down notes. Repeat thirteen times. Yup, 13 entries and I tried everyone of them. Hot, tasty, spicy, inventive, all of the above. I was so happy.

A few of the highlights.
A sirloin steak and ground beef chili that had a really good balance of taste and spice.
A ground turkey and white bean sauce that wasn't very spicy but was very tasty and I thought it had some Chinese overtones.
A chili with sweet potato with nutmeg and cinnamon. I think. And as awkward as that sounded, It was pretty tasty.
A chili topped with roasted pumpkin seeds that I really enjoyed but I'm not sure why.

I didn't taste one bad chili and those in attendance made for great chili tasting/football watching company.

Buy this

The weekend was so slammed full of fun that I'm ready for the weekend, but one post at a time.

Saturday I visited Gwinnett Place Honda to see if we could get a better deal than the offer I received from Daniel and Hennessy Honda the night before.

To briefly recap Friday's experience at Hennessy; they were curious, polite and honest sales people, a no pressure environment and they delivered a fair offer on the table. Saturday at Gwinnett Place Honda was exactly the opposite. Rude sleazy sales people in a pressure cooker, with no attempt to make a deal.

Saturday we had a 9 AM appointment at Gwinnett Place to meet Dan Long. After walking in promptly at 9, Dan introduced himself and explained that he double booked himself. Normally I would have given the guy the benefit of the doubt, but he dressed, acted and talked like your stereotypical car salesperson. I should have walked out the door right then, but after a 45 minute drive, I wanted to be serviced.

Dan offered up a half-assed apology that was full shit and also full of sales incentive mumbo-jumbo that was clearly designed to intimidate and make me anxious to buy. After that steaming pile of shit, which was warning sign #2 to run away screaming, we were turned over to Sales Associate, Sam Whang. Sam gave us the standard spiel. When he finally got around to the offer, Sam was nowhere close to the offer from the previous night. Then the trump card came out in the form of the offer from the night before. Sam took a little offense to this. How dare I hold out on him, that's his move, right?

Sam then say something like, "Ok, give me the price that you will buy the car for." I gave him the price and he on the back of the offer sheet writes; "Russell will buy the car for a drive out price of $____." He then draws a blank line underneath this sentence and asks me to sign it; affirming to the statement he has just written.

What

The

Fuck?

After my refusal to sign he throws the guilt on. "It's not binding." Well if it's not binding, then what the point? He slumps off to get approval for the cost that I want. He comes back 7-8 minutes later, shakes me hand and says he can't help us. I thank him and walk out, very happy because 1) I don't have to deal with these ass pirates anymore and 2) He has just affirmed for me that the deal I received from Daniel with Hennessy Honda the night before was a good deal.

What do you do when you find out that you've gotten a good deal? You call Peter Tomarkan and Press Your Luck. I called Daniel back and asked him if there was anything he could do to lower the price any further. To my surprise he did. We drove straight over and signed the papers. An hour later, I left with a brand new 2007 Civic that had 12 miles on it.

The Civic is actually bigger than the Accord we traded in. It is loaded various bells and whistles that I'm sure will cause a wreck within the first year. It gets 30 mpg in the city and 40 on the interstate. So whatever money saved on gas will go straight towards the higher insurance rates.

This is the first new car purchase I have ever been apart of and I swore years ago that I would never buy new. The depreciation driving off the lot and everything has never sat right with me. But if you compare the interest rates you can get between buying new and buying used, it made sense to buy new in this situation.

Bottom line here is this.

Hennessy Honda is Very Very good. I never felt for one minute that Daniel was anything less than honest. He busted his butt to get us in the car for the price I wanted. I spoke to the manager on the way out and he also was very nice, humble and truely thankful for our business. An overall great car buying experience.

Gwinnett Place Honda can suck it.

Tonight, Honda Hunting 2006 kicked off with a uneventful meow.

First stop, Hennessy Honda in Woodstock. Our sales person, Daniel Barkes, who I so wanted to hate, turned out to be a very nice, pleasant, and courteous 22 year old that really knew his vehicles. At the end of the test drive and talking, a decent deal was on the table, but not a deal that would make me sign papers and give them money.

So tomorrow, day two of Honda Hunting 2006 will continue. Destination: Gwinnett Place Honda where we will show the offer from Hennessy hoping that they will want to beat it. Then of course, take Gwinnett's offer back to Hennessy hoping that they will beat Gwinnett's offer. That's the big plan to success.

Step 1. Collect Underpants
Step 2. ???
Step 3. Profit!

Here's a cool pictorial of David Pollack and his recovery. It's ajc.com, so registration may be required.

To Chris, Aaron, Dave, Steve and all other friends in Vegas, Happy Nevada Day.


Here are the weekend plans.

Attend but not compete in, a chili cookoff. I'm not sure if my stomach can handle it. I had an awesome jalapeno burger for lunch yesterday and it kicked my ass, pun intended.

Buy a car. This is out of necessity. The Honda has taken a turn for the worse these past two weeks and it's time to put it to bed. When I hear people say that they are going to buy a car or furniture or anything that involves a commission based sales person, I feel sorry for them because I know that at some point they are going to have to deal with the commission based sales person. I enjoy negotiating and haggling and thus winning, but in my world, car salespeople are about equal to pieces of shit floating in the ocean.

Go to Six Flags on it's final weekend and use a season pass that was a birthday gift from my brother that performs there. I haven't been able to make the time to go see him perform all season and I'm out of time.

Watch the Dawgs play football against those who wear jean shorts.

Drink this

Last night we showed up for trivia at the Wing and there was no trivia. The Zac Brown Band was going to play instead. I've barely heard of the ZBB and I could have cared less. We ate our wings, drank our beer and went home before they started. But not before I professed my love to a man.

While we were shoving beer down our gullets, a man came over and introduced himself as the Brew Master for Terrapin beer. Without hesitation I said, "I love you". He backed away, looked at me funny and continued to tell us that if we bought a pint of Big Hoppy Monster that we could keep the Terrapin glass. Even though Big Hoppy Monster isn't my favorite Terrapin brew, I love glasses, so I had a pint and the brew master backed away slowly.

Then the marketing guy from Terrapin stopped by later. I didn't tell him that I loved him, but he gave us all shirts. Thin t-shirts, but shirts regardless.

Refinancing a house is much easier than buying one. There were two companies and two people in particular that made this process as easy and stress free as possible.

The first one is Carlton Alford with Hundall, Cohn, & Abrams, P.C. Carlton was the closing attorney and for those who will buy in the future, the closing attorney represents the lender. Not you, not the seller (no seller if it is a refinance) but the lender. His job is to make sure that enough documents are signed to cover the lender's ass in case I decide to take a few months off from making mortgage payments. Not making light of his job, he also double checks everything to make sure it is A) correct and B) legal. Carlton was a fantastic closing attorney. Every time there was a question he was ready with an answer without hesitation. His knowledge and comforting demeanor made the actual closing process a breeze.

The second one is Lorri Denton with First Horizon. Lorri was always accessible, and if she wasn't, she returned a phone message or email immediately. She got us a very good interest rate. Additionally, the various closing costs were below normal. And as a bonus, she kept Carlton happy by providing the correct paperwork ahead of schedule.

Big ups to both. Happy customer here and that's not often.

I need a trombone player Stat for next Thursday, November 2nd, in a Buckhead bar to play one song. All You Need is Love by The Beatles.

Rehearsal is around 5:30.

The pay is a hundred plus drinks.

Comment or call me. First competent bone player wins.

No Jack!!!

The trailer for season 6 of 24 goes up in about ten minutes here.

I want to visit this bar. (safe for work)

Fix this

And speaking of Six Flags; home ownership is a shitty rollercoaster. You're coasting along just fine, nothing exciting, nothing needs fixing, then out of the blue you get jerked around not knowing when it will get back to the normal coasting. Don't get me wrong 95% of the time, I love bring a home owner. It's that other 5% that's a bitch.

For example, today the re-fi on the house was completed. Low interest rate locked in, no mortgage payment due in November, and money back from interest paid. Sweet!

Here's the not so good. The upstairs guest bathroom is leaking. Thankfully it only leaks when someone uses the upstairs guest bathroom. (Note to all potential guests; until further notice, don't use the upstairs guest bathroom.) But it is leaking none the less. It's leaking into the den area. Above the electronics area. Above where the ibook-likes-to-sit-when-it-is-not-in-use area. Of all the places to leak. Fucking Bill Gates. Yes, I'm blaming Bill Gates for this.

It turns out the pipes were manufactured using machines that were run by a Windows based computer. That particular Windows based computer had a virus. The effects of which caused the factory robots to produce ill fitting pipes that were used in homes built in the mid 1990s. Unfortunately, the virus wasn't detected until the pipes had left the factory and had been installed in homes in and around Snobb County.

After hours with a Microsoft Senior Technical Support Person Durka Durka, I was told that Microsoft can not be held responsible for the leak. Instead, a few Mythbusters type tests will be executed to determine the direct cause of the leak. Once established, a call will be placed to the appropriate certified repairman to fix the leak. I'm sure that somewhere in this process I'll get the opportunity to receive it deep in the ass.

Wrap it up

Friday night's Funkle farewell show was fun. The crowd that showed up was impressive both in size and in ability to consume alcohol. Around 9 or so we whipped out our big thick throbbing rod of disco and enjoyed our last club show. Funkle played ok, I personally could have played better, but I think everyone says that. We finished up around midnight and found our way to Bryan and Mer's house for the after party.

After party = drinking, pizza, celebrating, and stuff that can not be shared with the internet for fear of possible jail time. So, I guess I'm saying that the after party was pretty lively. 'nough said.

Saturday - UGA Football game and home. SNL sucks.

I'm thinking about going to Six Flags this coming Sunday.

Goodbye this

Some press about the end of Funkle

Athens Banner Herald

And from the Flagpole;
Gone, Daddy, Gone: The disco ducks known as Funkle Ester will bring their four-and-a-half-year run to a close Friday, Oct. 20 at the Melting Point. Even so, the band is not above doing private parties and such and is available for hire in these situations, but as a live-club phenomenon, it’s over. Tickets for the show are $7 in advance through www.meltingpoint.com and doors open at 6 p.m. for the 9 p.m. performance, so you can grab dinner before you disco. Funkle Ester was the winner of the 2006 Flagpole Athens Music Award for Best Cover Band.

Hi, I'm a geek.

It's been just over a year since making the single best computer purchase in my life.

In one year of having a Windows based machine, I had to send it back to the manufacturer twice and both times I lost all of my data. Tunes, photos, documents, porn, all of it. The third and final time the machine bit it, I again lost all my data and the machine would no longer start up.

In one year of having a Mac, I have never had to send it off for repairs. I have experienced, zero problems.

Today at ye olde job, I received a subtle reminder of how much Windows sucks ant choad when I lost about half of my work related documents on my Windows running machine. Just gone. Vanished. I left them there yesterday. But today. Gone. No explanation. No rhyme, no reason. Just Windows.

So once again, Bill Gates has entered and managed to do me in the butt with no lube. Well I guess "no lube" would have been all of my documents.

Excuse me while I go redo my work from the last month.

Fucking Bill Gates.

For all intents and purposes, this Friday night will be the death of the 70's coverband that I've played in since 2001. Funkle Ester's final show will be this coming Friday night at The Melting Point in Athens. It is a bitter sweet date. If I had to guess, there is a part of each member that wants to move onto different things. But five years represents a lot of hugs, fights, ass slaps, smiles, and beer together.

To be honest, I don't like the way we are going out. The Melting Point is a freakishly awesome venue. Great sound, good pay, and a really good looking clean room. I have no issue with the Melting Point. I just wish our last gig was at Tasty World. Murphy and his staff have done so much for us as a group and as individuals, I feel like we are betraying him a little bit. Oh well.

Friday night's details are below. If you are in the area, come out and help us drown away the sorrows.

9 PM sharp.
The Melting Point at The Foundry Inn and Spa.
We'll finish at midnight sharp at which point I think the band will proceed to drink their asses off in celebration and in sorrow.

This week's anti-orange cartoon hits it on the head for me.

Saturday, UGA football. Sigh.......

Sunday, coordinate this guy's lecture. Really nice guy. I didn't catch much of the reading, but I heard the audience laugh a lot. Really nice guy.

I'm tired. Worn the hell out. Actually.

First, did you know that we have a Libertarian candidate running for Governor?

Second, I would like three of these for X-mas. Yes, I said three, I have plans.

Third, a friend forwarded me an email this morning from a friend of hers. One line only. It read; "i hooked up w/ a guy who works on a tugboat last night." That's magical.

Fourth, this was said to me last night;

"i walked thru the wendy's drive thru with a 19yr old b/c i'm a pedophile."

It was only a matter of time.

Pam Anderson
Paris Hilton
Kid Rock and Scott Stapp
Dustin Diamond

Now, a childhood hero.

I'm in the mood for chili. Thick, rich, beefy chili that you might as well eat with a fork.

Or home made chicken noodle soup. With lots of tender chicken pieces and celery. Cooked celery can make or break chicken noodle soup.

Or a tub of Mom's cheesy vegetable chowder.

It's not even cold outside.

There's an acquaintances of mine that I think might go nuts after seeing this. But then again, she's been around the candy circuit so long, she's probably laughing at me right now.

After five months at the new gig, I think I've almost settled down. Just 13 more months to go and it will over take the Smassic Smenter as the longest job I've ever held. Go back and click the link. You'd think that three years is enough time to take down a photo of a fired employee. I'm all about the kidding people.

And speaking of the Smassic Smenter. I spent a few hours there this past Saturday. I must say it was good to see former coworkers and all of the construction. The tailgate received top notch service from Tony. Really over-the-top-service.

I just finished The Sentinel. Don't waste your time. A coworker loaned it to me and that was nice of her, but I just couldn't stand the movie. Bad Keifer, no biscuit.

Bad entertainment; writing (including 99.7% of my own), musicians, actors, etc, etc makes me want to bury my head in an unflushed and freshly used toilet after I've come out of a 48 hour whiskey bender. Good entertainment makes me want to be a part of it.

"This is not the comedy we intended to do when the week began." - Studio 60

Wrap this

The best writing I've seen about the anal raping was written by David Ching, a reporter for the Columbus paper. Brett turned me onto him two weeks ago and so far it's good.

Friday night's Atlantis Music Conference show with Modern Skirts was bitter sweet. They played well , despite subpar sound. There was one VIP there that was very impressed. Jojo and I had a good drunken 5 minute conversation about life afterwards. Keith was there, which was beyond fantastic. But it was the last time for a while that I will be playing with them. Because they are starting to really tour and the horn parts really don't sound good with just one horn and Dave left me for greener pastures. So last time for a while.

Bob Saget, the most over-the-top Aristocrat has a movie coming out. It's called Farce of the Penguins. If the trailer is any indication, I'm going to love this movie.

Finally, the third series of Bullshit is at my house and it couldn't be better. If you are ever thinking about having kids, you need to rent the first disc and watch the episode on circumcision. It will change your opinions on chopping part of your kids' dicks off.

I've written about the crazy church in Topeka, Kansas before. The church who's web site is godhatesfags.com. Their church members protest at military funerals with posters that say; "Your son is burning in hell" and "They deserved to die." Yeah, calling them crazy is like calling Paris Hilton, a singer.

This insane group of religious zealots decided that the Amish girls that died in the recent school shooting deserved to die.

Westboro Baptist Church, based in Topeka, Kan., said the young girls were killed by a madman in punishment for Gov. Ed Rendell's blasphemous sins against Westboro Baptist
Church.

Take a guess what the Governor of Pennsylvania did that was so outrageous that he should be blamed for the actions of one nut with a gun. Ready? He spoke out against the Westboro Baptist Church's picketing of military funerals.

So, that's the brief background. Mike Gallagher, conservative radio talk jock, had a Westboro Baptist church spokesperson on his show. He was trying to come up with a way dissuadeade this church from protesting the funeral. According to him.

So while interviewing Shirley Phelps-Roper, I asked her what it would take to stop her from proceeding with their plans. "Money?" I asked. "Could we take up a collection for a new air conditioner for your church or something?" I asked. "You and your money can go to Hell", she snarled. "We just want to get our message out."

It's at this point Mike had an idea. He would give this radical group his radio show for 55 minutes to say whatever they wanted to, within FCC guidelines, in exchange for the church not protesting the funerals. The deal was made and both sides stuck to their promises.

I think you can look at this two ways.

1) Mike did a good thing and got these anal wipes to leave the mourning Amish alone.

2) Mike did stupid thing and gave these anal wipes a bigger megaphone to spout their hatred.

- Skirts tonight at Smith's - midnight sharp

- Could there be a worse time to lose our clutch kicker?

- Bob Saget back on TV is good for America and bad for the terrorists. And if you think Bob is the good clean actor from Fullhouse, you really need to rent The Aristocrats.

- In two weeks, the final public show for Funkle Ester will be at The Melting Point in Athens. Make some plans to have one last good time with us.

- I think want to start a Cake cover band called "Batter".

Odd thoughts bouncing around.

-There are few thing that are wrong about the month of October. Normally some good football games are played, the weather turns cooler, and there is a plethora of new beers to quench my liver's thirst.

-Dynasties are not good for college football.

-Notre Dame football being successful is good for everyone in college football. I have no reasoning for this, I couldn't give two craps about touchdown jesus, I just think the Irish being decent is good for everyone else.

-I'm disgusted by former representative Foley. And if you're not, you need to take one for the team by shooting yourself in the head and removing yourself from the collective.

-Refinancing a house is easier than buying one, but damn, I wish it was over already.

-About a year ago, I announced that I was going to be an Uncle. Unfortunately, life interfered and a niece or nephew never came to fruition. That's life.

-My brother and his wife bounced back. If all goes to plan, I should be an Uncle in six months. I'm beyond excited. Keep your fingers crossed.

-I preordered the third season of Bullshit back in June. It arrived today. If this house is a rockin, don't come a knockin.

-Skirts, Friday night, Smith's Olde Bar, Atlanta, Dave and I will be tooting, come join in our/their reindeer games. No excuses.

Birth this

Text Message from Mr. Cox.

Baby girl born this morning at 11:20 AM. Elenor Annsly is the name. 8 Lbs 7 ozs. 20 inches long. Everyone is doing well. I need a drink.

According to this article, researchers in London have compiled the top ten funeral songs.

If any of these are played at my funeral you are all in big, big trouble.

10 -"Unchained Melody" - Righteous Brothers
9 - "Every Breath You Take - The Police
8 - "Tears In Heaven" - Eric Clapton
7 - "With Or Without You" - U2
6 - "Candle In The Wind" - Elton John
5 - "Pie Jesu" - Requiem
4 - "Wind Beneath My Wings" - Bette Midler
3 - "I've Had The Time Of My Life" - Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley
2 - "Angels" - Robbie Williams
1 - "Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt


This got me thinking of songs I would want played at my funeral.
I have no idea even where to begin.

Bet this

First letter that I almost sent.

Dear Brett,

Your to-do list.

A) Register to vote in the great state of Tennessee.
B) Vote against Senator Bill Frist

Sincerely,

The American online gaming community


Second Letter that I almost sent.

Dear Senator Frist,

It is not your job to police the morals of American citizens. Your morals do not, and quite frankly should not, equal my morals. It is also not your job to tell American citizens what they can and can't do with their money. In short, I would like to invite you to rub your tongue all over a rat's rectum.

Sincerely,

The American online gaming community


Here's why.

Senator Frist was successful at attaching a bill to the Safe Port Act making it illegal for American banks and credit card companies to transfer money into gaming websites. Unfortunately, this is sure to be signed into law by President Bush in the next few weeks or so.

I did some research and it turns out that the legislation Frist attached really doesn't matter. Why? Two reasons. 1) Because the law is not going after the player so it will not be an effective deterrent and 2)Because most banks already don't allow you to directly deposit money into offshore accounts. That's what companies like Neteller are for. Neteller is like Paypal, except that it isn't owned by an American company.

Unfortunately, the business world doesn't see it this way. The news of this bill sent some British stocks reeling this morning. One company lost over 50% of its stock value in the first few hours of trading. It's going to take a few days for the dust to settle to see if these companies are going to survive.

There are two things I don't understand about the timing of introducing this legislation. 1) America doesn't have that many foreign allies. Was this the right move at the right time? I don't think it was very neighborly of us to crash parts of the British stock market. 2) I don't understand why the right would want to drive away centrist votes just ahead of the midterm elections. Of course it could be to strengthen the right's base. Of course, I know very little about politics so my pondering could be naive at best.

I hate any person that tries to legislate my actions and activities simply because they don't agree with it. Or even worse, have leaders that lie about their connections to special interest groups. Here's a thought. Legalize any and all campaign contributions. No limits. The only catch is that any and all contributions will be made public knowledge in the form of advertising.

If you want to give a million dollars to Hillary's campaign; good for you but your name is going on the back of her suit jacket. If you want to donate 2 million to Faldwell's campaign, your name just went on the side of his tour bus. This basically turns all politicians into Nascar vehicles and drivers. If Bush's entire right sleeve is the Shell Logo. You've pretty sure that he is going to listen to the oil companies before he listens to Greenpeace. If Frist's jacket is emblazoned with John 3:16, you know that he got some money from religious organizations and probably not going to listen to the ideas of the casino owners. This way you know EXACTLY who you are really voting for so we don't have to play these stupid games anymore. But to quote Dennis Miller, "Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong."

I won't even begin to offer up my opinion on the state of Georgia football. There are too many people on the internet that do that and I don't know enough about football to sound intelligent. I think we can all agree about having a really funny feeling in our collective guts about this Saturday's game. And not the good climbing-the-rope-in-gym-class feeling. It's more like the oh-snap-Betty-there's-someone-at-the-Update-door-and-it's-a-good-looking-Tennessee-football-team kind of feeling.