While driving home yesterday I was cut off by a woman driving a mini-van. Cut off like; slam down brakes and make screeching sounds with my tires to avoid hitting this oblivious creature and her effin' mini-van. She had no clue that if not for the braking power and engineering genius of Hyundai, her flesh should be plastered all over my hood like a Nascar sponsor's decal. To top it all off, the sign hanging in her rear window said; "Caution, baby on board." Oh sweet Snobb County, you break my heart over and over again.

Last night, somewhere in Georgia, a man severed an optical line that feeds teh internets and teh television into my home and most of the homes in the Northwest suburbs of Georgia.

It's not like it was a Friday night and I had nothing to do. It was a freaking Monday night with nothing to do. I thought about going up to Wild Wing and having a few pints while surfing their wireless connection, but passed. I checked the yard to see if the grass had grown enough since Sunday to justify mowing again. Nope and damn, the bushed were still in check, but that tree was starting to look cocky; but I needed a ladder. So I cleaned the kitchen counters, put away a few items, spot vacuumed a few places, got pissed off at my kitchen floor, and then decided I was bored. Yes; getting mad at my kitchen floor happened before realizing I was bored.

I ended up renting the first six episodes of Arrested Development. Two thumbs up. Looking forward to renting the next six episodes.

And that was my thoroughly exciting Monday night.

I think everyone should start their day lying in a comfortable chair sucking down Nitrous for an hour and a half.

I don't think we should have to go to the Dentist to do so.

I am for due process.

I believe a person is innocent until proven guilty.

I believe this is funny.

Don't get me started on this. (AJC reg. req.)

Although he does not quote his sources, I'll take it on faith that Bishop Szabo is right.


I think anyone that visits this site knows I always have more than a few fires going at once. Music project here, convention in Vegas there, trying to start a new music thing but can't find the time everywhere.

But one project bearing down on me dealt me a huge scare on Friday. I really don't know how this is going to work out.

Heh! I just remembered a George Hopkins quote;

"It's going to turn out. The question is; how?."

Yeah. Right now; "How?" is the big question. The best laid plans and all that. At this point the best laid plans can be thrown out the window. I'm nervous. We didn't do anything to put us in this situation. The blame can rest with a third party, but wow, I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. Thank Zenu for the kegerator full of 420.

Finally, my friend, Martin, has come up with a stellar idea.

Unbelievable.

Where was the ACLU for this guy?

Newly elected Representative Paul Broun just might be legit.

"To me, it was a state’s rights vote, and a constitutional powers issue.”

Michael Vick has been indicted for dog fighting. The Tour De France started today without anyone wearing the yellow jersey because yesterday's leader tested positive for drugs. An NBA ref has resigned due to betting on games he officiated for personal and mob gain. And we're about to have a new all time baseball home run king that we're so sure has been cheating that the current leader has said he won't attend when his record is shattered.

I'm not smart enough to figure out what this means long term. But I enjoy going to professional sporting events and will continue to go when given the opportunity. Even if they are rigged or played by players that are cheating. I guess until that changes, neither will they.

Delicious comfort for my feets.

I told you I loved Crocs. My third pair arrived this morning. They are identical to my first pair but new and with traction. When I slid half way across a wet Peachtree Street last week I knew it was time to pony up for a new pair.

When I sat down to watch the CNN/Youtube debates last night I was sure that I would not find a candidate to vote for. And I was right. My plan remains to vote Libertarian or to leave that box unchecked. But I was surprised at how much I enjoyed watching, listening, and learning.

I am not an expert or even all that knowledgeable about politics, but I am, and probably for the first time, very aware of what I want out of my next President. Personal liberties restored and protected, fiscal responsibility in the form of limiting federally funded programs, and while I'm creating my dream candidate he/she would also have to support The Flat Tax.

Cast of characters:

Senator Joe Biden of Delaware
Senator Hillary Clinton of New York
Senator Chris Dodd of Connecticut
former Senator John Edwards of North Carolina
Senator Mike Gravel of Alaska,
Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio
Senator Barack Obama of Illinois,
New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson

All of the questions, some upbeat and others down right depressing, came from America via youtube videos. And CNN's Anderson Cooper hosted the debate, doing a good job of keeping the candidates on topic. But his hosting ability was more game show, a la The Mole, and less of a political moderator.

In my humble opinion, the Democrats have one huge issue working against them; universal health care. I will never vote for a candidate that believes in universal health care. If you're not paying for it, whether it be directly or through your employer, you don't deserve it. My job is not to provide for someone that won't work. And leave the disabled argument out of it. That a different issue altogether. That's about helping others that CAN'T physically help themselves. If you are able and refuse to help yourself why should I be forced to help you?

That opinion scratches all of the Democratic candidates but on the flip side; all of them except Bill Richardson are pro stem cell research.

Senator Biden didn't say anything to directly tick me off until he insulted gun owners.

Watching candidate after candidate twist the questions so it would connect to their talking points was beyond annoying.

The most amusing point of the evening was on the heels of an environmental question.

COOPER: So let me just ask a question to everyone on this stage. And I know we said we wouldn't do a lot of show of hands. This is probably the only one we'll do tonight. How many people here a private jet or a chartered jet to get here tonight?

At this point, hands went up and down and back up again causing Anderson to chuckle and say; "You're not sure?"

I was pleasantly surprised that Senator Gravel was for a Flat Tax although I'm not quite sold on the environmental affects. But I could have skipped that chapter in The Flat Tax Book.

COOPER: Senator Gravel, how do you get Americans to conserve?
GRAVEL: Very simple, change our tax structure. Have a fair tax where people
are taxed on what they spend rather than what they earn. And our tax system is
totally corrupt right now. And so if we now have a retail sales tax, you'll take this nation of ours from a consuming nation to a savings nation and that's the most significant thing we can do to alter climate change.

I have no idea why I enjoyed this as much as I did last night but it was entertaining. I'm looking forward to the Republican version in September.


Transcript Part I
Transcript Part II

Yup, I'm one of those people.
I bought and read the latest Harry Potter book this weekend.

Nope, I'm not one of those people.
I did not wait in line or dress up to make the purchase in the wee hours of Saturday morning.
I waited until Saturday around 3 PM, walked into Target and picked up a copy with zero hassle.

But I am one of those people.
I finished it early this evening.

I love you too Kit.

Out of all the people that got this late night drunken phone call, I might have been the least busy at the time of receiving it.

Snippets.

I kicked my yard's ass last night. Lawn mowed, bushes trimmed, pine island maintenance, weed removal and spraying. All in three very sweaty hours.

I thought you had to have college or high school email account to become a member of Facebook. I got multiple requests to be someone's friend in the past two days, so I got an account and snooped around for a while. Other than the ability to create your own groups like; "Georgians for Sunday sales", "No UF license plates in Georgia", or "I speak Sorkin" it seems like just another Myspace or Twitter or whatever. I'm not impressed and I'm not sure yet, but I think I don't care.

And finally a really sexist statement. All men are idiots.

I really don't have that many "bad days". They are few and far between. I live a charmed life and after being laid off twice, I am fully aware of how good I have it. I have a job I love and my personal life is surrounded by people that I love and that love me in return. If they don't; they act and tolerate me very well. I try to remember this and be appreciative of it every day.

But last night. Last night made for a very frustrating evening. It was more like a constant comedy of errors. Every time I made a decision, the game changed and a new plan had to be developed.

I left work at 5, winding my way north, making a planned stop at an East Cobb Eckerds. After not finding what I needed, I hopped back in the car to head home, mow the yard, edge the back patio, spray for weeds, take out the trash and wash clothes. That was the to-do list for the night. If I was successful; I would be rewarded with being able to go out tonight.

But the car decided not to start. More specifically, the battery started to spew smoke and the starter made a repetitive high pitched "clicky-clicky-clicky-clicky-clicky-clicky-clicky" sound. Did I mention that the battery was smoking?

Thankfully, Will answered his phone and was willing and available to help out. While I waited for him to make his way down from Cumming, I walked across the street to a dive bar and had a few pints. I was indirectly hit on by the bartender's sister. How indirectly? She had the bartender tell me I was "cute" and then waved really obviously from across the way. While always very appreciative for any compliments, I can only describe the bartender's sister as middle aged white bar trash and the bartender knew it as she delivered the news with a smirk. I was also subjected to some really rough singing and guitar playing from a local. But the beer was cold and tasty and all I wanted was something to dull the pain of the hours and sunlight that were wasting away. It also gave me an opportunity to watch the news and relay the news of was going on via text message to those in NYC.

Will picked me up and he quickly diagnosed the problem. The cap that holds the water in the battery had mysteriously gone missing and the water had sloshed out. Do'h!!! I thought something looked funny. We devised a plan of running up the road to Napa on Sandy Plains to obtain a replacement part. Pbbbtthhh. They were closed. But I remembered a Target down the street. Nope, no battery cap or solution there. So we drove over to Walmart off of Barrett Parkway.

Walmart didn't sell the part. So I got creative with the sales person. I asked if I could have one off of a used battery. Nope. Fine. I give up. I'll just buy a new battery and be done with it. Not so fast. Walmart doesn't sell car batteries for Hyundais. It was about then that I gave up. I decided to call AAA and have the car towed to the dealership and find a ride to/from work. Thankfully, I have co-workers that are willing, able, and live in my neck of the woods.

While formulating this plan, I picked up an oil pan I needed and headed to the front. Being that the lines are Walmart are always 6 people deep, I hopped in the "self-check-out" line that only had two people in front of me. (Leaving out the part of the story where I insult two urban youths with pants hanging around their ankles for cutting in front of me. Effin' kids. PULL YOUR PANTS UP!!!) I payed for my item and requested one hundred dollars in cash on top of my purchase. It gave me $50. Ready to scream or laugh at the evening's events, a cashier was on me in an instant and handed over the extra funds.

AAA said it would be an hour and a half. Fine. Eckerds is across the street from Wild Wing and it's 9:30 and I haven't eaten dinner. It takes about 10 minutes to get to Wild Wing and 90 second after we walked in the door, my phone rings. It was the tow truck driver and he was ten minutes away. There went dinner.

We drove (did I mention that Will is driving me all over Snobb County?) over to Eckerds and meet the world's nicest tow truck driver. He delivered the car to the dealership, called me when he got there, and dropped my note and key in the drop box.

Four hours later, I had food in my belly and Will drove me home. The evening was a total waste and I got nothing accomplished. But I was reminded that I am very lucky to have some truly outstanding friends.

After cleaning the kegorator Monday night I got ancy. Ancy like primitave caveman ancy.

"Beer. Face. Now."

Yesterday during lunch I took a quick trip over to Linde to swap out my empty CO2 for a full one. The transaction was quick, painless, cheap ($18) and in exchange for my old and heavy tank, I received a new shiny lightweight aluminum one.

Directly after work, I went to Green's on Ponce to purchase my first half barrel. After salivating over Terrapin Rye, then Dogfish Head 60 Minute, and even thinking for a brief moment about Lagunitas Maximus IPA, I ended up making the responsible decision and going with Sweetwater 420. It's tasty and something that people that came over the house will drink.

The half barrel was placed in the car with the help of a employee. I got home and found that I had a problem. Either kegs have gotten heavier or I'm not 22, 23, 24, 25, or 26 anymore. Trying to get a full keg out of an SUV and onto a refrigerator shelf 15 inches off of the ground by myself was something I was not prepared for. I got it in there, but it wasn't pretty.

But the drive and the transfer had taken its toll. A lot of foam. But by the end of the night I was able to pour my first cold, delicious glass of beer from my new toy. 1 glass down. 155 or so to go.


I, like Will, have a small summer time obsession with Big Brother. It's gossipy and trashy entertainment. It is no better than American Idol, America's got Crap, or America's Next Top Whore. And I love it. And I hate it. I hate that I enjoy it. I hate that I get sucked in.

Here's a quick rundown of some of the cast members.

Jen, I hate you and your uber-lame "Jenious" t-shirts. You are a waste of great boobs. You remind me of another self-absorbed woman that like to dress a certain way just to gain attention.
Amber, stop crying already.
Joe and Jessica, you're not as smart as you think you are.
Danielle, give your Dad a break already.

I hate that I get sucked in.

New stuff

I finally got off my butt and uploaded a bunch of photos from recent travels and gathering. My camera was feeling bloated.

Here's the photo gallery from my trip to Milwaukee and Chicago. Scott was a fantastic and gracious host. Next summer, I'm making plans to go visit Yankee Stadium before they tear it down and the summer of '09, Fenway.

Here are some photos from a gathering at Tony's a while back. He cooked and we ate Fire Meat Stick. The photos speak for themselves as to the effects of Fire Meat Stick.

Finally, this evening I purchased a kegerator. I've been looking for months trying to find the right deal and it appeared last Friday on Craig's list and I jumped on it immediately.

When I picked her up, she was a little dirty and looked very similar to a well funded race car.

Yes, those are stickers and magnets for such products as Glock, PBR, Nascar and Nascar related products. One of those is allowed in the house.

After her first bath.

Still some residual sticker gunk, but my elbow ran out of grease. More scrubbing tomorrow.

Along with the fridge, tap, and drip tray, I also received an empty CO2 tank, an empty keg (not sure what I'm going to do with it), a gas regulator and the appropriate tubing. All I need now is CO2 and beer. Hopefully everything will be ready by Wednesday night, Friday at the latest.

Tomorrow during lunch I will venture to get my CO2 tank filled for the first time. After work, I'm planning to go by Green's and purchase the first half barrel of delicious goodness. I'm so giddy, it's ridiculous.

Special thanks to Tony for bringing his manliness, knowledge, and truck to help bring her home.

Contrary to the seemingly evident; I have been writing. Just nothing I want to publish on the Internet.

But last Friday, there was a pretty good article on Slate that covered my favorite item of clothing.

I am fully aware that this clown shoe knock off is as attractive as a face covered in popped boils but I don't care. I've been wearing Crocs for over a year and they are without a doubt, THE MOST COMFORTABLE SHOE I HAVE EVER WORN. I wear them to work, I wear them at home, I even wear them to mow the yard. I own two pairs. One for the warmer months and one for the cooler months. Both in black. And I'm about to buy another pair.

It's good to be the future King

Monkey Balls

NSFW!

But really really funny.

One of my favorite quotes.

"Luck" is nothing but probability taken personally.

Chip Denman - statistician

Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.

The old Texan said; "Well, ya know, Little Georgie Bush is just a 'post turtle'."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumbshit get down."

I hate rabbits.........

An inconvenient traffic stop

I'm not at all surprised and I really could care less about Al Gore the third's traffic stop and subsequent arrest. What does interest me is that he was pulled over doing one hundred miles per hour in a Toyota Prius. I didn't know hybrids could go that fast.

Send this

While I'm totally disgusted with our elected officials; I love our men and women in uniform.

Let's say thanks

This website gives you an opportunity to send a free printed postcard to U.S. military personnel stationed overseas showing your support and appreciation for their service to our country.

Happy 4th.

Remind me to do this.

I don't understand how anyone can blindly support Democrats or Republicans.

I support the Office of the President but not the clown currently propping his feet up on the desk. Same goes for our current Congress. The Democratic majority took an overwhelming out pouring of affection from the American people last November and managed to flush it all away in under 7 months. That's talent.

So here's my solution. Next November, go to your voting location. Show your ID to the attendant and take your electromic ballot. Enter the booth, insert your ballot and then slowly look up and down the entire list of people and items that need your opinion. Then proceed to vote for every third party candidate on the ballot. Refuse to vote for a Republican or Democrat. If there isn't a third party candidate, don't vote in that race. The candidates still have to gain 50% of the vote to be elected. By showing up and not voting, your vote still counts. You showed up to vote and refused the choices given to you.

The lesser of two evils is still evil. Start over. Fire everyone.

The only stories left to tell from the June Vegas trip came in the form of a glass of whiskey, a "working girl" and Pai Gow Poker. This will be the last post in the series and I know I'm happy about that.

Back up a few weeks. Part of the tour of the Jack Daniels Distillery takes you into the Single Barrel bottling room. In a corner ready to be shipped out was an empty cask and it’s contents neatly bottled, stacked and wrapped ready to go out.

This particular order was for The Bellagio. I made it a mission to hunt down this batch and have a glass. Something about the journey of booze from conception to consumption really excited me. I realize there are exactly two readers that really appreciate what I'm talking about.


A quick cab ride, and I was at the Fontana lounge. The lounge was closed because of the Bellagio Cup but the bar was still open. The bartender approached me and asked what he could get me. I politely asked for the bar manager. It has been my experience (the hard way) that if you take a picture on a casino floor whether at a gaming machine or a table game you need to ask permission first.

The bar manager came over and seemed a little piffed that I asked for him. I explained the story and asked to see the bottle of Single Barrel. He handed it over and it chronologically lined up. It was bottled May 9th and I was there May 19th. I asked him if there had been any other shipments received sine that bottle and he said no. Here's the bottle of goodness and yes; it was delicious.


The final story involves a "working girl" and my lack of worldly knowledge. If I've counted correctly, I've been to Vegas 10 times over the last six years. I'm no expert but I would consider myself to be a well traveled visitor to the city. In my visits I have never knowingly run into a member of "the oldest profession".

On my last night there, I was sitting at the bar at The Palms around midnight and the bar was just getting a little busy. I was enjoying the company of the locals, other travelers and the bartenders I had gotten to know over the week, when two very attractive and well dressed women asked if the stools next to me were occupied. I said no and they pulled up a seat.

Disclaimer: I'm chatty in Vegas. I like asking where people are from and what brought them to the city. This includes other patrons, dealers, and bartenders. It's not something I would do in any other city, but in Vegas, it's a natural occurrence. In this city, if you're not the one asking, you're going to be asked. So a brief conversation with a perfect stranger seems totally normal to me. I also would venture the guess that this also only normal on the Strip.

I was slow playing a video poker machine to have a few drinks before going to bed. The brunette next to me struck up the conversation and I naturally obliged. She said she had lived in Vegas for a few years and worked for "G.E.". I didn't know this at the time but evidently that's code for something. I told a friend this story and his response was; "She brings good things to life." I sipped my drinks and people watched during our very pleasant 30 minute off and on conversation. Out of the blue she turned to me and said;

"So, we going to sit here and chat all night or are we going to go upstairs and party?"

My immediate reaction was shock as I turned to her and said; "WHAT?!?!?!?"

She looked a bit taken back for a bit and then thought, smiled and said;

"You have no idea do you?"

Again I answered with the stunned; "What?!?!?!?!"

At that point she broke into a kind laughter and I understood the situation. She wasn't what you would expect or at least what I would expect. She was very attractive, well dressed, and well spoken. I think my upbringing might have tainted what a "working girl" looks like and it's my fault for assuming.

I politely turned the offer down but I was not going to let this opportunity slide by without getting a few questions answered. And here's what I learned.

Three to five hundred depending on what you want to do. And she does about 8 to 10 jobs a night during the week and ten to fifteen on the weekend. You do the math. Even on the low end that's fifteen thousand a week. Even if she only pulls in an average of ten thousand a week that's a yearly income of around five hundred thousand. Tax free. Raise your hand if you're in the wrong business.

The price is directly related to race and weight. Not to step on any one's feeling but this particular girl charges more for overweight men and if you are black. She's not racist she said; but black men take more effort and more effort equals more time. And she prefers Asians. Asians normally spend more and they don't take a lot of effort. How's that for information?

She got started in the business innocently enough. She was employed by a magazine and was hanging out at a bar one night and started up a conversation with a visitor. After talking with him for two hours, he got up to leave and handed her fifteen hundred dollars and thanked her for her time. There was nothing physical about the interaction it was just talking. But at that moment, she realized she was in the wrong business.

Other fun facts. She has a Masters in mass communication from a distinguished college and a six year old son.

I thanked her for her time and gave her the out to leave and find someone that might be more financially lucrative than I was going to be. She thanked me for the conversation and politely excused herself to make her way to a regular that had walked in a few minutes prior.

So I went down to the tables to play Pai Gow poker. Within 30 minutes, I hit a Royal flush. This is a progressive game and there were only two payouts larger than this. One is the Royal without the joker and the other is for a seven card straight flush. Not that I'm complaining. It was a very nice and unexpected pay out. Here’s mine.

You just don’t see that very often.

And that was my last night in Vegas.

Deal this

I’m killing time at Gate C15 at the Milwaukee International Airport. I spent the weekend experiencing the city and surrounding areas, visiting with an old friend and catching a game at Wrigley field in Chicago. Pictures and stories to follow.

But I must finish the Vegas posts first. I took one meeting while I was out there and saw the new and recently renovated facility where this year’s convention will be held. I liked the Director of Sales. He seemed confident, nice and full of good ideas. I also got to see my Vegas bosses/friends and it was nice to be able to visit without the stresses that come with August.

After lunch and the meeting, I asked them to drop me at The Rio for some planned sightseeing. The World Series started a few weeks ago and I wanted to watch some of the action. I walked in and got my bearings. To the right was the ESPN set for the featured table. It was not is use that day, thus the dark. Also, no flash photography is allowed in the room, so most (read: all) of the photos will suck.



To my left against the far wall was a giant cage filled to the brim with playing cards and chips that would be used to color up lower denomination chips for ones of higher value. This area is what you would call; “Heavily guarded”.

To my immediate left was a line of about 50 people waiting for one of the ten thousand or fifty thousand dollar mega-satellite tournaments to start. And directly in front of me was a very large cavernous room filled with a lot of people playing a lot of poker.



Again, shitty pictures. Shut your hole.

I was surprised how much access a random guy off the street was given. There is a sign that welcome you that gives you the rules. Like, by entering the room, you allow ESPN to use your image and/or likeness, no flash photography. Etc. Etc. But anyone was allowed to walk through the entire room stand over people’s shoulders and watch the action. You were so close to everything.

I was able to walk through and amongst the tables with ease until I almost tripped over Phil Ivy. He's taller in person than I imagined.


A few tables down, I had stopped by to watch a few hands and was tapped gently on the arm. I looked down to find a very tiny Jen Harmon sweetly asking me to slide over so she could pass. She's tinier in person than I imagined.


I watched Phil Hellmuth play for about an hour. I know it was only an hour, but the guy was nothing but kind and gracious the entire time I was watching.

I saw a few other pros, some of which were being very gracious with their time. Humburto Brenes saw me snapping some pics and immediately offered to take one with me. I politely declined. The way I figure it, these guys were or were about to go do what they do for a living. I refuse to be “that guy”.

Other crappy pictures of pros that I took.
Alan Cunningham
Eric Seidel
Humburto Brenes
Men Nguyen
Andy Block
Phil Laak