Welcome home Tess

Dear Tess,

For the last four days you have been bathing in the affection of your mother's Aunts in the great state of Michigan.  You were quite pleased to see me in the fact that you and I rolled around on the floor playing for the better part of 15 minutes.  And then I had to poop. 

There are some things you need to know about your Grandma Patty's side of the family. They are very good people.  Very VERY good people.  They mean the best at every turn.  But they're also Catholic.  Guilt-ridden-until-the-day-they-die-clutching-the-rosary-looking-at-the-statue-of-the-dead-guy-on-the-dashboard Catholic.  If it seems they're being over-dramatic, they probably are.  Please do not engage in this pattern of behavior.  But also don't hold it against them.  They mean well. 

Unlike your flight to Michigan, your plane flight home was not pleasant.  While sitting on the plane on your Mom's lap and waiting for take off, your diaper failed.  You peed all over your Mom.  There was a very kind flight attendant that deemed a leaky diaper to be an emergency so you got permission to go have a diaper change in the bathroom. 

You and your Mom got to stand up in an airplane when you're not supposed to.  Only time will tell if this is still a big deal when you're reading this.  But in this day and age, when people stand up in an airplane without permission, they go to jail.  But seriously, try to not pee on your Mom again.  

There's going to come a time when you talk back to your mother and when that happens I'm going to come down pretty hard on you for seemingly no reason.  Here's the reason.  SHE WORE JEANS YOU PEED ON FOR 8 HOURS!  And you're still here.  Plus the other reason of her squeezing you out of her vagina.  I saw it.  It really happened. 

After takeoff you preceeded to scream, not cry but SCREAM for the entire flight sans 20 minutes.  As your Mom put it; "I was just THAT woman with the screaming toddler for 2 hours on a plane. I may cry too!" 

All that aside, it's good to have you home.  I missed you.

Love,

Dad